(ThySistas.com) Mr. Right does not exist in the way we think of him. So many want to be in relationships thinking it will bring happiness and fulfillment. The man involved will be everything you need, and want, if he sees life through the focus of your needs. When it becomes obvious that this kind of man does not exist within the strength rubric we believe we want then there is a period by which we shun relationships. You convince yourself, and others, that you are happy being single and don’t need anyone. The problem is that is the furthest from the truth of your heart.
So, after going through the single is empowerment phase…you are ready to own your truth on not wanting to be alone. The problem is you still have not taken the time to truly understand you. There is no distinction between what you want in a man, verses what you need in a man. If you don’t have a good circle of friends they may not encourage greater knowledge of self. The only thing you know without a doubt is you don’t want to be alone. When you don’t know what you need… you may accept merely what you want.
You meet a man and he has a lot of the qualities you want in a man so much so that you overlook the need. The relationship commences, and all seems to be going well accept when challenges in your life arise you feel like your partner is inadequate because your needs are not met. Well, it is at this place where we as women begin to look at changing a man. Every person in life must grow and change; there is nothing wrong with wanting to see your partner change for the better.
There is nothing wrong with encouraging positive change in their life, and yes you will reap the benefit of said changes. The problem arises when we want a man to change because technically he was not a good fit for us. Had we truly taken the time to know ourselves we could have seen that he may make a great friend, but wasn’t a good fit for us based on what we truly need in a man. Yes, there are many things men need to work on individually, and in relationships. However, as women we must own our share of the conflict, and we aren’t always good at doing such.
Why try to change a man at the core of who he is, verses choosing to be with someone that genuinely fits with you? Every relationship has its growing pains, but compatibility at one’s core needs to be present. It is very necessary for us to assess who we are so that when we are getting to know a man we can be upfront about what we need in a relationship. The truth is no one should have to change the core of who they are to be with someone…that is not love, and it can cause resentment. If a person, male or female, is self-serving at their core…no matter what you do that is who they are. If a person, is selfless and team oriented at their core this is who they are. Instead of trying to change a man we must know ourselves, and choose to be in relationship with a man that can offer us what we need. Men should also look for the same. Being likeminded in the areas of importance makes facings life’s adversity much easier, and it allows for you to go forward in mutual agreement and peace.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.