Saturday, July 13, 2024

Support According to Her Needs.

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( One of the best things about having a strong sister circle is knowing you are never alone. This manner of support system is necessary for black women to heal, rise and thrive. Of course, in our circle we may find that we can relate to a sister or two more as they may have shared the same experience, or we just know their family. These bonds tend to help us refrain from isolation, which could be harmful, when we experience trauma and tragedy. It is very important for supporting sisters to remember that everyone in the circle is difference.

We don’t all experience pain and loss in the same way so we must stand with a sister based on who she is. This can be difficult sometimes because we tend to be blinded by our own experiences. Many of us are comfortable saying “I understand”, and we tend to do so without truly listening to the sister we are supporting. Though situations can be similar that sister must walk out her pain according to who she is which automatically makes the experience different. It is important that the support group doesn’t unknowingly isolate the hurting member by dealing with her in a generic fashion.

Listening is a vital component of supporting a person going through a painful ordeal. In listening we provide the hurting sister to express her mind and heart. This can often tell us what she needs, and what direction she may seek to take to cope with the situation she is in. When dealing with the loss of a loved one some shut down, some grieve immediately, others gradually, while others are numb. The response varies by individual and the sister needs to know that you see her where she is verses where you’ve been.

Often there is a disconnect with those that are hurting that are big criers or they don’t openly express emotions. These sisters tend to move as normally as possible, and that could be mistaken for denial, or suppression if the supporting sisters are not listening to her. This could lead a sister to pull away from the group which would not be healthy because the point of the support is for her to remain as engaged as possible. We never want our hurting sisters to feel they are alone and misunderstood. We want to be a haven, and safe space in our support.

If it important to consider the responsibilities of the sister when offering support. If she has a family, small kids, runs a business, or cares for a parent then she would have to process her emotions differently and we must do all we can to help her tend to her business. If is further devastating for those sisters to begin having difficulties caring for the kids or family…this is even the case when there is a loving supporting spouse. When the sister experiencing the pain is single and lives alone it’s important to help her not disappear or over work herself to compensate to the point that she hurts herself physically.

Both situations need our support but require different things, and what could make one break is not the same. Being there when our sisters go through is a blessing to them and ourselves. We are effectively aiding community as we are assisting each other in moving forward in a positive space. It is just important to remember every sister is an individual so we must support her according to her needs, and not our past. She must be heard so that she is not lost to us. Love in this manner is truly selfless, and necessary.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook and also Twitter

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