Sunday, June 16, 2024

Don’t Turn Your Back on You.

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( Life has a way of reminding us that we are vulnerable, and susceptible to pain. There are many different life events that can threaten to change the very fabric of who you are as a woman. Death of close loved ones, physical trauma, illness, divorce and betrayals are just a few of the mountains that tend to erect themselves on the path of life and living. Without the proper support team these kinds of events tend to break us down and many of us don’t recover.

Yes, there is the persona of the strong black woman that is moved by nothing, or the intuitive fortified black woman that feels everything but doesn’t break. For some of us those descriptions are a truthful reality, but for some of us it’s a mask we are forced to wear. The biggest threat to our peace is not so much that another loved one would turn their backs on us…but we turn on ourselves. When we lose that person, or that position we no longer see ourselves as whole. In that moment, we subscribe to the idea that we are lost, broken and may never be the same again.

Too many of us turn our identity over to what it means to be a wife, mother, sister, caregiver, career woman, spiritual guru and so much more. If we aren’t the list then we aren’t ourselves at all, and we do this to ourselves…its self-punishment that becomes self-loathing. Suddenly we are no more good…and we don’t deserve to be happy. We are no longer in control of ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, nor spiritually.

We throw away a lifetime of fortitude, identity and all the lessons our precious elders sacrificed to instill within us. The ironic part is we see the value in our sisters, and push them to see the same in themselves. We will walk with other women we love, and they better not dare think of giving up on themselves no matter what life throws our way…but when it’s us we want to hear this from no one. The truth is we must not turn our back on self. The worse betrayal we can ever endure is the one whereby we betray ourselves.

All of us have had to face hell in this lifetime and no hell is worse than the next…they all mean to destroy. However, no one has to surrender to pain and suffering. Yes, life can be painful but sinking doesn’t have to be an option. There is healing in simply standing up, and it doesn’t make one weak to reach out for all the hands that are reaching for you. Allow those that love you to love you back to health. Remember you are who you are regardless of what someone…or something does to you. Being a wife or mom is NOT what makes you a valuable woman of substance. You were those things prior to that man…or before that attack happened.

There is strength in knowing other women have overcome the challenges your face…that lets you know it can be done. Rehearsing wrong doing and pain is not going to make you stronger nor will it give way to healing. However, it will build a cage that will entrap you in a way that will make you feel as though you have no choice but to admit defeat in feeling, and declaring, “I am broken without remedy”. Ladies, once you believe that the anger and bitterness will set in like unquenchable thirst in the middle of the desert. This bitterness is not always overtly displayed but it will render your love and heart dormant. In that space, we hurt those we love the most, we damage our family and children…we hurt other women. This cycle eventually gives way to hatred, jealousy, envy…and more bitterness. This is the outcome of turning our backs on self, but it doesn’t have to be this way.

Pain and suffering exists, but it doesn’t have to last nor take over your life. Remember who you are as a WOMAN and allow it to fuel your healing. When you feel as though you can’t believe in yourself believe in the women around you…that believe in YOU. Let the constant replay of what “he or she” did come a cease. Allowing someone to hold your forward motion and eventually your dignity captive is not fair to you, nor is it healthy.

Take the time to TRULY submerge yourself into your believe system…in other words it’s not for show or for others…it’s for YOU. Bouncing back from hurt is not easy, and it doesn’t happen overnight. It is very possible to come out of hurt stronger than ever. Healing begins with remembering who you are a woman of dignity. Reclaim your identity…this goes for the strong, and deeply feeling alike. You are never alone…regardless of how you feel. Don’t let pain cause you to turn on yourself, bury your dreams and rob others of the light that is in you. Black woman you are loved…and that love will always start with you.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook and also Twitter

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