Saturday, May 25, 2024

5 Ways to Black Self-Love.

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(“Currently, my greatest obstacle to self-love is the ‘policing’ of blackness and the black experience,” McKayla Williams

The importance of black self-love is most important today more than ever. The idea of loving yourself often seems cliché. We throw around the phrase, but do we really understand what it means? Do we actually know how to love ourselves? Or what the process of self-love even looks like? To start, think of people are like cars. In order for a car to function properly you need to fill its tank with gas. So in order for us to feel as centered, loving, and grounded as we’d like, our “love tanks” need to be full.

When our love tanks are full, we have the energy and patience to give love to the world around us; but when we are running on empty, that’s how we feel: empty. With an empty love tank, we feel overwhelmed, frustrated, angry, sad, you name it. And that’s how we treat others, which can ultimately lessen their love tanks too.

Here are 5 ways to self-love:

1. Accept Yourself- The Good, Bad and Ugly (Flaws and All)

In the great words of Beyoncé- Flaws and all. Sometimes what we perceive as flaws are not flaws at all, they are just our twisted judgments based on comparisons with others. We can be our own worst enemy. We don’t need to look like Nicki Minaj, Kim K. or even the unrealistic images we are flooded with through all channels of media. It’s as simple as this you are perfectly imperfect.

2. Forgive Yourself

Everyone makes mistakes We are our own worst critics. We also make mistakes and it’s allowed. We need to make mistakes to learn how to handle the situation the next time. The past is history, the future is a mystery and the present is a gift. Live in the moment, let go of the mistake and move forward. Write down the words “I forgive myself for…” and make a list of everything you’ve done in the past that you believe makes you unworthy of love and success. This could be mistakes you’ve made in your family and romantic relationships, finances, health and even your career or business. Releasing self-blame will give you the freedom to heal, move forward and try again.

3. Let Go!

Do not harbor negative feelings about yourself. This takes up space that is needed for clarity, healing and loving on yourself. It’s one thing for other people to disrespect you, but you have full control over whether you disrespect yourself! When you let go of all the negative thoughts you have about yourself, you also become less likely to accept harmful treatment from others.

4. Just Be You

Be the best you, you can be. Also just be you, don’t try to be what you think you are. Or even who others think you are. Embrace every part of you. This is YOUR life and you’re the one who has to live with your choices. But if you choose to conform to the image that your family, friends, colleagues or significant other want to see, you will likely end up regretting it.

5. Give Yourself Permission to Take care of You

Many of us experience feelings of guilt for taking a vacation or simply relaxing. We live in a country that rewards hard work, yet most of us already work hard and STILL don’t give ourselves a reward! You shouldn’t feel bad for prioritizing your own self-care. Challenge yourself to carve out at least one hour each week for “me time” where you do something by yourself and for yourself, even if it’s as simple as taking a long bubble bath, getting a manicure, reading a good book or taking a quiet walk around your neighborhood.

Self-Love is something we can nurture daily. Look at it as a skill that you can practice versus an trait that you either have or don’t.

Staff Writer; Amber Ogden

One may also view more of her work over at;

Also connect via Instagram; 1amberogden and Twitter; MsAmberOgden.

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