To Submit.
September 25, 2018 by ThySista
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationship Talk, Sista Talk, Weekly Columns
(ThySistas.com) Submit according to dictionary.com means to give over or yield to the power or authority of another. Yield means to give up or surrender (oneself) according to dictionary.com. So if we were to define the word submit in layman’s terms it would be to give someone other than ourselves, that we have qualified to be superior, the ability to have control over us. The notion of qualifying someone as superior can often be considered judging. However, the difference is that your conclusion does not dictate your thoughts of them as a person, but it dictates your willingness to allow them in your life. When thinking about qualifying in this context, you do it almost on a daily basis.
One way that you qualify people is by evaluating friendships. Sometimes when you go through phases in your life you look at the people around you and if they do not fit where you currently are or hope to be, you dismiss them from your life, which is the qualification process. This should also occur before marriage, which is referred to as courting.
The first part of submitting is to give over or give to. In order to begin the submitting process you have to qualify your husband. If you do not respect your husband or believe him to be qualified to lead, you will not submit. A part of the courting process is asking the necessary questions to deem your potential husband qualified enough to give over your power to. Power in the sense of making decisions that can affect your life, not physical control of movement. If you are not willing to submit, you have to ask yourself why, do you think your husband is not worthy? If he is not, then why is he in your life. If he is, why make the marriage more difficult by being other than your true self – a woman that allows her husband to lead.
The process of qualifying often consists of conscious questions, reflection of the responses, and observations of actions as well as how other people respond to him. The goals of a man is also a part of the qualifying process because you need to know if you will be willing to help your husband achieve those goals. If the person that you are considering marrying does not make it past the qualifying process they shouldn’t make it into your life as your husband.
If you are already married, then the thought is that you have already qualified your husband. If not, do so now because he is who you accepted. You are your husband’s help meet. Now it’s time to figure out what you are helping him with. What level of confidence, what goal, what business venture, etc, does he need help meeting, then come up with ways to help him get there. Helping your husband achieve his goals brings you closer to achieving your own. Once his goals are accomplished it leaves time open for you to pursue any dreams that you have. Your husband’s dreams are the foundation, yours are the interior design.
First realize that as a black woman your struggles in the world will never be as extreme as the black man. Not saying to follow him off of a cliff or never disagree just that you should think first if bringing something to his attention will be worth the potential argument in the long run. You have to learn how to be a problem solver in your home without being a problem. You should strive to be his peace when he comes home. Being his peace will make him strive to be yours, even more than he already is.
How do you submit to your God? Do you pray? Do you strive to live according to his word? Do you surround yourself with people that are aligned with your desired level of service? Do you listen to and for his response? Now, take those same actions and apply them when submitting to your husband. When doing so, prayer becomes communication. Living according to his word becomes honoring the boundaries your husband has set in place inside of your home. Surrounding yourself with people that are aligned becomes being around people that are for your marriage, etc.
Also be mindful that it will be harder to submit to a man that has not submitted himself to the same higher power as you. When you submit to a man that submits to God know that your needs will be taken care of because a part of him submitting is honoring and maintaining his wife. Submitting is hard work but if anyone can overcome it’s the black woman, the mother of civilization.
Staff Writer; Sister Victoria X
One may also follow this sister over at; SVX.
