(ThySistas.com) I’m well into my thirties, and I am child-free (not to be confused with childless, which implies you want children). To me, they seem like a huge responsibility. A responsibility you never get rid of. Now to most (hopefully) that sounds like common sense. This being common sense to me, caused me to wonder why there as so many children with one parent? Why are there so many unmarried/never married women with multiple children, with multiple fathers? Why are there so many baby mamas and baby daddies that literally hate each other?
To expand even further, why are people having children so young now. In my teens and early twenties, having kids wasn’t even a thought. I was selfish. Proudly selfish. My time was my own, and I wanted it to stay that way. If I wanted to spend all of my money on clothes…who was I hurting? Everyone, of course is different, but that responsibility wasn’t something of interest to me. I knew it was RESPONSIBILITY. My point being, I have to wonder how many of these kids really realize what they are getting themselves into. Sure you love this boy, yes I said boy, today but what about next year? Do you really think this seventeen year old boy is going to be around forever?
I’ll get off of the kids, because at least they are just that, kids. I was watching some news program, and they had a fully grown woman, with I believe 13 children. None of the father’s in the picture, and she was complaining that some government agency wasn’t doing enough to help her take care of her children. She actually said, in a rage “Someone needs to be responsible for my kids!” The representative for the organization she was upset with was so exasperated, when she was telling of the clothes, food, and furniture they had provided. Nothing was enough. She was right though, someone does need to be responsible for her kids…her. I hate to sound heartless, I truly do, but I don’t feel I should have to pay for someone else’s choice. We all get down on our luck that is not what I’m talking about. If you have a child that you are unable to take care of…I don’t see how having more children is going to help the situation.
I recently had a discussion with a group of male friends on the subject. I wanted to get insight on relationships, children with the ex-wives or ex-girlfriends, and child support. One thing that surprised me was the rant that women get pregnant intentionally with the hope of holding on to them. You’re probably wondering why that was surprising to me…because it’s not the seventies. I had no idea that there were still women that thought a pregnancy would keep a man. No, seriously I didn’t. I thought, and still am not sure, if they were being facetious or serious. I have to wonder if you would even want a man that was only around because of a baby. It seems sad to me. I, of course, came back with the argument that a woman can’t get pregnant alone, and you should know what kind of woman you are dealing with. I was quickly rebuffed. Sad point, but we know it’s true…a woman becomes pregnant, and if the man doesn’t want to be bothered, that responsibility falls back on the woman. He is free to go about his business as he pleases. Sure, he can be forced to pay child support, but he can’t be forced to be around. With the decrease in marriages, and befall of the family unit, I can’t imagine anyone being unaware of this.
I have several clients and friends without any idea who their father is. Most didn’t seem to be overtly affected by it, but I started to think about siblings? I know it’s a long shot, then again in this day it may not be, but what if you become involved with someone that is relative? The thought was a bit disturbing to me. It is something that I would want know. That you should know.
Responsibility shouldn’t start after you have a child. Acting impulsively is rarely a good thing. If there are still women planning pregnancies to keep a man (I still can’t wrap my mind around that), how are you going to be responsible if it doesn’t work? If you are a teenager or young lady, take the responsibility to know you are making a permanent situation, for what may just be a temporary feeling. Be responsible enough to know that with or without a man, if you are going to be a good parent, you’re always going to have to put that child first. Be responsible enough to do what is best for you, because at the end of the day YOU are the one that has to live with your decisions.
Staff Writer; Yolanda Kirby
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