(ThySistas.com) Narcissists are toxic individuals to any space they inhabit. They can make you feel like you are wrong, unworthy, and problematic when the real problem is them. They find a way to make every situation about them in some way. When they can’t place themselves within the situation, they do one better and chance the discussion so no they are sitting at the center of attention. When you call them, you spend the majority of the call discussing what’s important, or attention worthy, to them. By the time you get to discuss what was on your mind, magically, they get a call and have to call you back. You already know they aren’t calling back. When they are in a bind you’re there with full attention, and all resources on deck to assist your friend in need.
However, when the person in need is you…they will listen to the situation like they are watching the stories and there is no assistance offered at all. There are a number of reasons you could find yourself in the company of a narcissist. You might be finding it difficult, because you sincerely care about them, to cut that toxic relationship off. Unfortunately, you might find yourself in a space whereby you work with them, and there is no to rid yourself of their company. Regardless of why they are around its important to know that, if not careful narcissistic behavior can be contagious.
It’s not hard to understand that hurt people have the potential to hurt others. You’ll find yourself needing more attention, validation, and shoulders. Whereby you were once the voice of reason, even if they didn’t listen, to the narcissist…in other spaces you replace them. The irony of the matter is others around you will notice that now you are the person who spends the whole conversation focused on themselves. They may try to let you know that you suffocate all the air in the room when you are present, but if you are sub-consciously on the road to narcissism you won’t see yourself. You might feel that those addressing you are just being dismissive just like your other situation. You might feel as though you are being silenced, and don’t matter; the truth is what’s happening is you are projecting the abuse you are dealing with onto those in your circle that do care about you. The people in your circle will smile when you actually ask them how they are doing. They will feel as though you care when you seem to inquire about situations, only to have their hopes smashed when you find a way to change the narrative. They will be hurt when you hijack the conversation, probably through an example, and now the focus is back on you. Remember, this is what you experience with the narcissist that is abusing you.
If there is a way to break away from the narcissist you’d want to do so quickly. You don’t want their behavior to not only hurt you but effect the way you treat others that are in your corner. It is also important to give yourself the grace and space to heal. Far too often we feel its necessary to bounce back from hurt immediately and appear as normal or okay as possible. It is okay to tell yourself, and others if you choose, that you need to heal. Acknowledging that space is owning your truth, and it will cause you to prioritize your self-care. Honestly, healing is a part of accountability that can be extremely difficult. In that space one must face what has been allowed, red flags that have been missed, and choices that can make one question their judgement.
However, though healing can be tough there is growth to be had, and peace to be gained. On the other side of it you’ll be stronger, and more confident in the person you are. There will be a better understanding of self-care, self-love, and self-worth; these things also help you better value those in your village. Taking time to heal will fortify you and protect your village from unwarranted mistreatment. Getting to this healing place in itself can be difficult because you’d have to acknowledge that someone you care about is a narcissist, and they have hurt you. I find that saying “I am hurt” is often something I avoid at all costs. It’s as if saying such renders me weak, and vulnerable. However, that statement can be a pinnacle of strength, because you are standing in the truth of the matter. Don’t let the narcissist poison you and hurt those you love through you. Cut that foolishness off, heal, and be the best version of you.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.