(ThySistas.com) Individualism is important, but life trauma and hardship tend to bring us together. They are unfortunate, yet they are the bridges that often allow us to relate to one another when life goes left. As women, and Black women, there are many challenges we face that effect our mood, health, energy, and perception of the world we live in. Some sistas have started to feel more comfortable acknowledging that they might want to look into therapy to better understand themselves and making that decision doesn’t certify them as crazy. Yet, there are those of us that really need to take a hard look at self. When dealing with others it’s so easy to point out, and give that sisterly tough love, flaws and shortcomings.
We can tell our sista she needs to look at her attitude and how she talks to people. We need her to understand that she needs to grow, adjust and evolve. That all of her issues are not others…sometimes it is her. The sista can’t merely say her behavior is just who she is…and we’d tell her we understand but she needs to change it. Well dear sista, this also applies to you.
Reality check, sistah sometimes the one in need of evaluation is you and me. Those of us in the sista circle that are always sought out for council, or have the most education, or that think we don’t do harm to others and are just “keeping it real” need to be sure we don’t become the embodiment of what we rebuke. You can’t hide behind the advice you give, or the perceived strength you have when it is time to make necessary changes to better self. Let’s be honest, the bad attitudes when you feel like it, making other people’s issues about you, or chopping everyone’s head off at that time of the month has to stop. We get it…it’s just you.
The problem is you don’t tolerate this kind of treatment from others and you strongly urge change from them, as you should. But at some point, you must take responsibility for how you treat others. When members of your community or village are telling you that you are hurtful, take them seriously. Take out the time to look at yourself introspectively to see if adjustments need to be made. One of the easiest ways to settle that question is: is it okay for others to treat you in the same manner you have been treating them. If you are honest with yourself and the answer is no…work on it.
There are spaces where “this is who I am” need to stand. Those areas usually involve character and moral compass to name a few. Preference is something that changes over time. Behavior is something that has to change over time, or we are absolutely unable to grow, and we hurt others in the process. In this it is important to avoid hypocrisy. It is okay to acknowledge bad days, and spaces whereby you don’t feel your best. Not only does it convey that you are human, but that you know you aren’t perfect and are willing to continue to work on yourself. Give yourself permission to do the self-care and self-work you advise and demand of others. It will not only solidify your credibility, but it will also strengthen your love language towards others.
Staff Writer; Adonicka Michele