(ThySistas.com) Are you that person who does not like to say no? Are you the one that everybody comes to when they need a ride, a babysitter, a chef, a kidney? Do you find yourself having a laundry list of things to do, none of which have anything to do with your own personal goals? Do you ever look up and the clock says 10 PM and you have gotten none of the things done on your personal to do list however, you have been a personal shopper, dog walker, Lyft driver, nail tech, and exterminator for your friends family and neighbors? Do you often put aside what you would love to do for something that someone else would like you to do? If you answered yes to any of these things, then you my dear are a people pleaser.
Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with helping your friends and family. It is not a problem to have spare time to assist those who need you. The problem that people pleasers have is knowing how to say no when a situation is not conducive to their own well-being. A lot of us, yes I am a recovering people pleaser who sometimes relapses, have difficulty discerning when something is our responsibility versus when something is a charitable choice.
People pleasers often sacrifice their own happiness or even knowing what makes them happy to appease the next person. They, or should I say we, choose to look at it as taking the path of least resistance. It’s a tactic to avoid awkward moments, arguments or conflict. Because no one wants to be the cause of conflict and who else is going to keep the peace if you decide to say no or voice your opinion, right? WRONG.
No one will fight for your peace if you don’t. You must, I mean WE, must take a stance and voice our wants and needs. Being verbal about something that doesn’t please you or that feels uncomfortable to you will not stop the world. The internet and stock market won’t crash. The sun won’t come out at night and fish won’t decide to fly. It is perfectly ok for you to have opposition to those around you from time to time. It is OK.
Now that we’ve gotten you to the point of seeing that you are a people pleaser and that it’s ok to say no, I bet you will need a little help figuring out when to flex your newfound NO MUSCLE. Here are a few suggestions. If you have plans and someone calls you at the last minute in dire straits about something that has nothing to do with you or the price of coconuts in Jamaica, rip the sleeves off of your shirt, welcome them to the gun show and let them know your schedule is full. Ooh doesn’t it feel good to flex?
Let’s do another one. When it is the holiday and you know that you just want to rest, go out with a few friends for a drink, or take a trip out of town but your family expects you to be there to make the German Chocolate cake, shuttle people home and wash all of the dishes, pack your bag in advance and let them know that you will be spending the holiday on some beach somewhere. Yessss. You just got a six-pack full of no muscles.
Now just like any other muscle, if you don’t use it you will lose it. Make sure you are in the daily habit of checking in with yourself to make sure that the things that you are committing yourself to doing are things that bring you joy in some way. You will feel an increase in smiling, laughing and all-around stress relief. If you start to slack in your exercise practices, you will see the adverse effects. Believe me, once you get a taste of freedom you won’t want to go back. Ok, now go on a marathon of self-fulfillment. It’s not selfish. If you are happily helping others, it is more enjoyable for everyone involved.
Staff Writer; LaMisha M. Readus
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