Thursday, July 18, 2024

Ways that My Parents Influenced My Adult Behaviors.

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( I was sitting at a training for work and was asked in a group activity to share with my colleague, how my parents influenced my adult behaviors.  The answers came quickly to my mind and I’ve known these answers from a self-evaluation I’ve done years ago.  Just a quick backstory, my parents are still married and I’ve always lived in a two parent household.  Although this is my backstory, my colleague shared with me that she grew up in a single parent household, but we shared similarities in our thoughts.

My mother has influenced my adult behaviors in a positive and negative way.  She has always taught me to be independent, resourceful, be kind to everyone, keep going no matter what and so forth like typical mothers/nurturers.  You may be wondering how in the world could these influences be negative?  Here’s how, because of the extreme teachings of gaining control over my life as an independent woman, it has left me with less room to be vulnerable when I need to be in any relationship.  I’ve found myself on many occasions being defensive in relationships because I thought a person was trying to control me or use me and that was simply not the case.

My father on the other hand, taught me the power of getting to the bottom line quickly, don’t beat around the bush, don’t waste anyone time, don’t play with people’s feelings, say whatever is on your mind and other cold hearted or nonchalant temperaments.  I probably don’t have to tell you this, but my mouth has gotten me in so much trouble over the years as I was influenced by his teachings.  This has negatively taught me to distance myself from people, I missed opportunities to really listen to someone express how they feel about a situation because I’m rushing them to get to the bottom line.  On the positive side, his teachings have taught me not to be taken advantage of by anyone, use my voice and speak up against what bothers me instead of pushing my thoughts and feelings to the side and more.

While in conversation doing this activity, I discovered that although my parents influence on my adult behaviors derived from different viewpoints, I still arrived with similar behaviors: disciplined, respectful and driven to reach my full potential in life.  I have also acknowledged that their influence has taught me to put up a lot of barriers and at times, those barriers are a good thing and at other times, a bad thing.  Barriers have kept my feelings from hurt by people and it has kept me from having potential partnerships and healthy relationships because I hurt people before they could hurt me.

When you have a moment, ask yourself, how has your parent’s influence your adult behaviors?  Answer this question regardless if you had an absentee parent or if your parents eventually divorced.  Really look deep into your past childhood and assess why you do the things that you do now as an adult, this activity will be life changing for you if you really put some thought into it.

Staff Writer; Felicia T. Simpson

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