(ThySistas.com) It is natural to believe our children are everything to us. We carried them and gave birth to them. For many mothers there are the most valuable thing they have. Nothing is more important than the wellbeing of our kids. We want the best for them in as many areas as we can provide. For some the children are the motivators that set one’s path to growth and betterment. Everything we strive for is for our kids. Some of us go back to school to provide a better life for them, some improve their health so they can better be there for their kids, and some are able to face another day because of their kids. There is nothing wrong with pressing forward so that we know we’ve done all we can for the babies.
Our hard work can be an example to our children of achievement against all odds. These are all very wonderful motivations; however, our children can only do so much. Motivation and coping mechanism are not the same. If we aren’t careful not only will our children become our chief motivation, but also a way we cope with handling life.
Sometimes it can be very difficult to find a balance between you the mother, and you the person. In that space far too often, the children become everything. Our entire identity is wrapped up in motherhood, and we become depended upon being needed by our kids. When nothing is done to better you, whereby you children can receive the benefits of your growth, we set ourselves up to depend on our children in a manner that can hinder them as they get older. Children are wonderful, but they are not the sole answer to everything we face in life.
Some areas require growth and change that is necessary for you as an individual, and our children will one day need the same for themselves. Grinding for our kids can not fill an emotional void where hurt and other pains lie. We must take the time to heal in those areas to become whole as a person, and so that we can transition with out kids as they grow up.
When the children are our all and everything, we tend to unknowingly place unrealistic emotional expectations on them. This is why as they get older there are times, we may find it hard for them to branch out and follow their dreams when those dreams differ from what we have in mind. when our children decide they want to go to a school further from home do we celebrate their accomplishments when they are accepted, or try to find ways to guilt them into being closer to us? We may think we are trying to protect them, but if we have depended on them to be our everything for their entire existence, we are not protecting them…we are afraid for ourselves.
It is important to have a life, and identity, aside from our children so that we are able to celebrate them properly as they come into themselves. It is important not to use our children as a coping mechanism whereby we don’t deal with the areas of our life that require accountability and healing. They deserve a better version of us, and we would never want them to succumb to the same situation. Love your children to the fullest, yet never forget to love yourself. There are just somethings our children can’t fix.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.