(ThySistas.com) I was blessed to have my son in November of 2013. He was our greatest gift. My pregnancy was a blessing. Granted my fatigue was unreal, but I was blessed not to battle with morning sickness or some of the ailments attached to pregnancy. My doctor wasn’t the best, that’s another story, but my visits never came with negative news. I was happy, loved, surrounded by the positivity my family gave on a daily basis and my husband was hand on there for anything I needed. Granted in the 3rd trimester I was having difficulty sleeping and my back tended to hurt, but I figured that was to be expected when in the home stretch. The delivery of my son was another matter entirely as it was the opposite of my pregnancy.
I was in labor for over 24hrs and I was nauseous and vomiting for most of it. However, we made it through in one piece. My husband and I want 4 children; I definitely on board even after my son was born. Though we wanted to have our next child sooner it took us five years to get to this pregnancy. I admit over those five years I often hoped nothing was wrong with me whereby I wouldn’t be able to conceive again. When I found out I was pregnant September 7, 2018 I was ecstatic and felt God had answered our prayers. I had not factored in my age, 37, just yet and what that would mean for my pregnancy.
Immediately, after feeling excited some hard realities set in when we called our parents. My father passed last year, and I couldn’t tell him about this baby…he wouldn’t meet this baby. That hit me very hard in my chest. My father talked me thought my entire pregnancy with my son…every single day. When we first went into labor he was
right there when I looked to my left. He was my everything is going to be alright anchor. My maternal grandmother passed in 2015 and she, a former midwife, was also someone that coached me though. I realized 2 or my 3 elders were gone. My mom is absolutely amazing, but in that moment all I could see is what was no longer there. I knew they would want me to be happy; I know they watch over me…it just wasn’t the same.
I live in a different city now, so it was time to get about the business of finding an obstetrician, and there were so many choices I remember walking away from my computer to just take a nap. When I finally settled on the one sister I could find here I had to wait a couple of weeks to get an appointment. The truth was from the moment the appointment was scheduled I begin dreading that day on my calendar. In addition to thinking about my elders I begin to read to refresh myself on pregnancy since its been five years…and I begin to focus on my age. All I could think was wow I’m 37…I hope that doesn’t have an effect on how my pregnancy is handled.
I begin to notice that this pregnancy was definitely presenting itself differently. I was experiencing new symptoms this go around. I was grateful there was no morning sickness, but if I didn’t eat every 2hrs I found myself nauseous. There was air build up in my stomach that left me cramped up in the bed in pain, and the increase in my saliva was unnerving. All that came to mind was…I was told every pregnancy was different, but oh how I wished for my easy breezy first.
Finally, I made it to my first appointment, and I admit I was wound in knots and my anxiety was on 10. When my vitals were taken my poor blood pressure was through the roof, and as questions were asked about family illness I found myself having to discuss dad; I wasn’t ready. Because he was a diabetic, in conjunction with my age, I found myself taking a glucose test first appointment. I was absolutely unprepared. The doctor was so kind and laid back I felt comfortable with her, but when she said you have high blood pressure I went blank. I told her my pressure isn’t usually high but that wasn’t a factor at the moment. When she said the words high risk and mentioned my age I felt numb inside. I couldn’t say much I just waited to get my blood work up and I realized I felt alone even though I wasn’t.
In that moment I wanted to scream, cry, run something…but I felt I couldn’t. I’ve had a fear of needles since I was a child, and blood work was usually done with dad or he got a call right before. He wasn’t there. I remember grabbing my husband’s shirt and when the needle was re-adjusted I felt the tears fill up in my eyes as I begin to feel faint and nauseous at the same time. When it was all done I felt defeated and unprepared. Here I am 37, pregnant and being told I’m high risk.
I talk to my mom, sister, and good friends for support. I’m so grateful for them. I realized that I was going to have to contain the emotions and fight back the negative feelings to control this blood pressure. Yes, they now wanted a 24hr urine sample, and I just didn’t know what would be next. I needed to prepare for the next appointment. In the meanwhile, I had to go find my joy because it was far from me. While I was thanking God for this baby I was facing a pregnancy that appeared to be very different from the first. This was going to be more than telling myself to be strong. I knew I needed to be able to express my concerns so that I could move past them…just had to figure out how.
**Stay Tuned for part II as I take you on my journey of being pregnant at 37. Those goal is to share my experience in the hope that other sisters will know they are not alone in this area, and we can be an upliftment for each other.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.