(ThySistas.com) We all know there are biological sisters, and sisters we gain on our journey throughout life. I admit my family is very small, so all of my sisters have been gained throughout life. I never wanted to be the person to say no one but a Black woman is qualified to be my sister. I’ve always felt that the position is warranted, but it could be rooted in different kinds of fear. Growing up I would hear my elders tell me if I was blessed to meet a good-hearted White woman maybe we could be friends and this would serve a positive purpose, however, never trust them enough to call them sister because you never know if would truly stand by you. My logic at the time was though I understood the warning, I have already been burnt many times by woman in my own community. Hurt is hurt was the position I took.
Unfortunately, as I look back over the current state of my feelings and heart…I feel they may have been right. I did meet a white girl when I was in grade school that was so much of a good person she became a sister. This was someone that defended people that did not look like, or act like, her. We had so many things in common; she was welcome in my space, and I was welcomed by her family in her space. This was so awesome to me as I valued her sisterhood on par with my Black sisters. When social issues would arise should seek me out to understand after she had done the research to learn on her own. She wasn’t invited to the cookout…she was expected. This sisterhood meant so much to me because I felt that the issues of race between, she and I was a non-factor…until it became the factor. All I could think when the fall out happened was…this I all my fault.
It is important to have people close to us that do not incite an inherent fear. Yes, we might fear being betrayed, disappointed, or abandoned…but we should not fear our existence. I can honestly tell you the fall out was not something I saw coming as I was often a go to for her questions to understand our position in certain situations. Now I question that logic. Not only was I asked to speak against people that looked like me blindly, but after hearing the situation I could see where the interactions she was facing were happening because she had not managed the situation properly. I felt comfortable enough to speak to that truth, and someone that had known me for over twenty years blew up. I was threatened and then she had the audacity to cry. I wondered if I would have been as offended if the person in question was Black…but then I realized quickly the response happened because she is not Black. It took twenty years for race to make its way into our relationship in a way that was damaging. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it and I still can’t.
Sisters can incite a fear that should not exist if they are indeed your sister. As my mind began racing, I wondered what would have happened if this confrontation had been in person. Like, if she cried out and screamed in person as she did over the phone what of my safety? Did she realize in that moment that she sounded more like a Karen than the “sister” I had known? I was at a loss, and to make matters worse there was an off-putting apology draped in her victimhood, and she proceeded to interact like nothing had happened. As if my heart couldn’t break worse…it shattered.
This incident has let me to wonder if we can truly have sisters that are White women in the way that we are sisters to each other. The answer I have so far is no, and I say that with a broken heart. I wish I could feel differently as we have had disagreements before, but it was not this. I quickly began to retreat from her into a space whereby I felt safe by default. I’m not going to tell any Black woman not to befriend a White woman that has earned the trust of being her friend. However, we might have to be very careful that the term sister…family. There is a lot that we can encounter when dealing with family, but we should not have to also factor in inherent fear. I forgive her…but I know she is not my sister regardless of what she thinks. I am on the fence about friendship, but I decided to give myself time to process that. It’s unfortunate that I don’t feel comfortable telling her the truth about how I feel regarding what she did. I just feel like she will cry and make me the villain. That is not sisterhood, and maybe this is my fault.
Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James
May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.