(ThySistas.com) There is a conversation that is very difficult to have amongst our sister circles. Black women are strong, wise in many areas, and have mothered communities for generations. When you’re the constant go to for fixing matters, and helping to bring others to account sometimes it’s easy to forget everyone has to be accountable. We are all human and no one is right 100% of the time. The problem comes into focus when any of us takes the stance that they can’t be checked out anything, while checking others. This gets deeper when others close to you can be rebuked, deemed as haters, or enemies for holding you accountable for your sake. In this space too many of us feel we don’t have to take the medicine we administer because there must be a sound reason for the position taken, and either you are with us or against us. This is dangerous, and it sets a horrible example for the next generation of women. Yes, men have to address this within their circles, but let’s focus because right now we are aiming to do some self-work.
To whomever needs it to be free to grow and evolve, Sis sometimes you are wrong. This doesn’t make you weak, incompetent, nor a horrible person. It makes you human, and this is okay. We can’t walk around telling the word we aren’t superwomen but can’t admit when we are wrong. This prideful, and sometimes driven by shame, behavior can ruin sisterhoods, relationships with family, our children, and the significant other. This inability to admit fault can take one from a position of respect to one of hypocrisy by which character is then questioned. You might think it’s unfair for you to be assessed by others because you’ve done so much and helped so many. Ask yourself does anyone else in your life have the right to be wrong and then justify it without you feeling a kind of way? If the answer is no, apply this position to yourself.
Children may not always have the space to say such, but they know when you wrong them. Just because you are a mother doesn’t mean you have to be perfect, yes this not needing to be perfect is a running theme, and your kids know you are not perfect. Yes, parenting is hard, and you want the best for your kids…but sometimes your best is an apology. If you gave them mis information, overreacted, were entirely wrong about a situation, or verbally took out your frustrations on them…you were wrong and should apologize. It won’t erode your respect nor your authority in your home. If anything, your children will know you see them as human beings. Your kids will be able to say you live what you expect of them, and it will strengthen your communication and trust. If you are wrong own it like you expect those kids to own it.
When your sister circle brings you into account in love, receive it. If they just let you walk around wrong and looking bad they don’t love you. They shouldn’t have to fear you will retaliate against them for helping you be your best person. Remember you do the same thing for them, so receive what you give in love. It’s not about hating, or belittling you, the women you have close to you should be helping you grow as you are helping them do the same. If the person you wronged is in that circle, please be adult enough to own your fault and respect this sista’s feelings. This is a very important part of relationships amongst women. We definitely want our feelings and heart to be respected, well we must do that for the next woman. These things matter because again, our daughters are watching. If you have a daughter that runs from admitting wrong doing when it is being committed, be sure its not what she’s learning from watching you.
As much as we love our men, they can vex a nerve like none other. There are times they will upset us, disappoint us, make us feel misunderstood, and even communicate in a way that simply doesn’t work for us. Sometimes, as the world delivers harsh blows to them…they can make the mistake of taking it out on us. We want the men in our life to take accountability for their actions. If they wrong in a situation they need to admit it, and if they hurt us…admit it and make a mends. This is only right, and this is only fair. I’m sure we can all agree on this.
Well, sista sometimes the person doing all the above mentioned could be you, and if it is please admit when you are wrong. Give the same resolutions you expect. There is a running joke amongst men that women never admit when they are wrong. While I disagree with never, I know there are those of us that do not, and it’s a problem. You are not the only person in your relationship with feelings. Furthermore, let’s run from hypocrisy. Often times what hurts our partner more than the situation, is our inability to simply apologize when we make an error. No one is asking you for perfection. They are asking you for the same respect you demand. Sometimes you are wrong, and it’s okay, you’re human remember.
Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James
May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.