(ThySistas.com) “Death is a return” is a statement I’ve heard on many occasions. I can’t say I disagree with the statement, but I can say it has never brought me any level of comfort. It’s more of a factual understanding that I can acknowledge. Sometimes it may serve to remind me that even though we’re never ready for loss there comes a time when we must all return and embark on a new beginning. Again, there is no solace nor comfort…just the reality of a truth that might help me swallow back an unhealthy emotional response to whatever or whoever I’ve lost. Death is not just a term to mark the end of a human life. Many are grieving the death of dreams, expectations, truth in others, trust in self, various kinds of love, relationships, safe spaces, and even the that of achievement. Ironically, some of these “deaths” just might serve us well in the long run, but until that moment comes…we find ourselves moving through pain. Finding ways to keep moving forward becomes vital to survival and overall health. However, it’s difficult at times to convey to those in your village what is needed to help you move. Sometimes we make the unfortunate mistake of believing if we love harder and do more it can help us move.
I found that the deeper my pain got the more I plunged myself into helping, and being there for those I love. In my mind, if I poured out it would help keep my mind off what I’m going through in a positive way. I figured I was turning a bad situation into a positive. Many have felt this way, so the pouring begins. The problem arises when it is not reciprocated, and it becomes common place in the life of those you are helping. If not careful it becomes their expectation; you find no one even asks how you’re doing, and your pain is downplayed. Heaven forbids they are experiencing a pain or loss that you are currently dealing with. You’ll pull out all the stops because you’ve been there, only to have your experiences and traumas again dismissed or downplayed. It is not always wise to bury pain in deeds, because it may move you forward for a season, but you may very well find yourself reckoning with a new kind of pain that stops you in your tracks.
Moving forward while in pain requires a very transparent honesty with self, first and foremost. You must be willing to acknowledge the kind(s) of pain you are dealing with. You must take the time to address your healing. This can be don’t through meditation, exercise, writing, music, which ever outlet brings your peace…but it must be done. It is important to take extra of your health by drinking water and eating what is best for your body. Notice the direction, moving forward requires self-care. This won’t always feel good, and there will be days you simply don’t feel like it…but this is when it is most important to push through. The first person you must pour into is you.
It can be difficult at times to open up to others. If you have someone in your village that you can talk to…do so honestly. Let them know how you are doing for real. If you need to do for others to get though make them aware. Furthermore, remember to set, and keep, boundaries if you choice this path. Moving through pain is no easy task regardless of how you decide to move. So it is important that you don’t allow others to take advantage of you in this state, or sell yourself a false narrative that removes others from accountability. Moving through pain is not an invitation to endure more trauma. It is important that you know when to remove yourself from a situation no matter how much you want to assist or care. This isn’t easy by no means but some form of self preservation is a necessity.
Moving forward in a new reality due to lose of any kind can be the ultimate challenge for some. The idea of getting out the bed, getting into the shower, finding something to wear, and grabbing something might seem like a typical morning routine. However, it takes on a different level of difficulty when you are fighting everything in you just to start another day. The beauty in all of this is the progress and strength that grows and evolves in us as we move. If death is a return…so is life. Continue to move forward against all odds.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
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