(ThySistas.com) I don’t believe the question of who should be the first to say those three magic words, “I love you”, will ever cease to boggle the minds of those involved in a committed relationship. I mean, we all know that vulnerability is an act that is typically difficult for both men and women; to be honest about the feelings you’ve developed for someone without factually knowing they feel the same way, can be very intimidating. We often times get so caught up in playing games in relationships, that we forget about developing true feelings and allowing those feelings to develop naturally. So, how do you even know when you love someone, and if you do find that you have or are falling in love, when really is the best time to express that to your significant other?
I remember being in a long-distance relationship in my early 20s and to be honest, I wasn’t sure if I really liked the guy I had been seeing. I wasn’t sure if we were a match although we spoke frequently on the phone. But, one day, he came to my city and we spent the weekend together. I ended up liking him more than ever. We made things official maybe 2 months after meeting one another, and about a month after, he uttered the words, “I love you”. Now, I was completely caught off guard. Never had a man verbally confess his love to me. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to say, “I love you” back although I may not have felt the same way, or if I was supposed to be honest and let him know that I wasn’t sure if I necessarily loved him.
I ended up taking the honest route and told him that I appreciated his sentiments, but that I wasn’t sure if I loved him back. I’ve never told a man I loved him first, and I can only imagine how it must feel to tell someone you love them and they don’t reciprocate those feelings. My boyfriend, at the time was mature enough to understand. He didn’t rush me for an answer, and he didn’t act different just because I didn’t give him a response that he may have expected. Eventually, I did end up falling in love with him and I was eager to tell him that I felt the same way. What made me feel stronger about this man is that he told me he loved me, he showed me he loved me, and he waited for me to develop the same feelings. I am glad that he didn’t wait for me to tell him to confess my love because it probably would have been unspoken for a very long time. Fear is what hinders us from being truthful about our feelings towards our significant other; fear that we will become rejected by the person we love.
I am sure there are women out there, me included, that feel that the man should take the lead in relationships, but the woman sets the expectations. If a woman feels that she is falling in love with a man, she will often times show him by her actions that she is feeling deeply for him. A man knows when a woman is falling for him and will either create distance because he doesn’t feel the same way, or will continue developing the relationship if he sees potential. Nevertheless, in an honest relationship, either party should feel comfortable sharing their feelings with one another. Keeping each other updated about how both our feeling about the other is a good way to lead up to either party initiating the ‘love’ talk. Mind you, this typically only happens in an open and honest relationship where communication isn’t an issue. If communication is an issue, than there are clearly some speed bumps present in the relationship that will caution both parties to hold off on the “I love you” convo.
I do not think a man should be the first to say, “I love you” just because he is the man, I believe that women can take the lead on this one as well. saying I love you first to a significant other can be a ground breaking experience within the relationship, and should only be said if you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you truly love that person. Of course, it may be a little intimidating or even scary to admit to someone that you have developed those type of feelings, but being honest with yourself and the person you are holding a relationship with, is nothing but a healthy act of embracing your true emotions. When my boyfriend, at the time, told me he loved me, he said it because he meant it; he didn’t confess his love for me expecting to hear the same thing, although I’m sure he hoped that I would. He waited until I was ready to say those words to him. I think that in the event you love someone and you let them know, and they aren’t quite ready to tell you they love you back, you should be prepared to be patient with them. If they are worth the wait, your feelings won’t change, and more than likely their feelings for you will grow stronger because you were genuine about how you felt.
It is okay to let someone know you love them or that you have fallen in love with them, if those are your true feelings, whether you are man or woman. We are created to love and to be loved. Love is beautiful and there should not be any shame about loving someone. I only suggest that those who are in a committed relationship, where both parties are on the same page, feel comfortable enough to express their love verbally. Any other situation needs to be reflected upon and feelings need to be made known under the discretion of the person who is feeling those type of feelings for his or her partner. Say YES, to “I Love You”! Be bold and brave, and at the right time, be free to utter those 3 words. I am sure no matter who you are, if you are feeling it, your mate is feeling it also.
Staff Writer; Kara Warner
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