(ThySistas.com) Many of us have heard the saying that a marriage should only include three, the spouses and God. Anymore more than these three is a crowd, and that marriage could be headed for disaster. We’ve all heard something similar to this, but can I submit that as accurate as this can be and might feel…It’s necessarily the case. No marriage survives without a community, as marriages were meant to bring families together, verse tearing them apart. Being a woman is a marriage in an intricate, and at times vulnerable, position. If not careful who this woman is a person can be blessed or destroyed by said marriage, and it won’t always be because her husband didn’t love or defend her. It could stem from the fact that wives are not valued as they should be for that they represent and offer to a family outside of their immediate household.
Marriage is work, and anyone that has ever been married will Amen, but it has it’s rewarding factors. If everything goes well marriage means the extending of family. Each spouse is blessed to gain more siblings, parents, and extended family. If one is a traditionalist, the woman marries and starts a new life whereby one of the first things that changes is her name. She should be welcomed into her husband’s family with love and care. Granted her husband should feel the same from her family also. As we take a moment to focus on marriage from a wife standpoint. The legacy, it’s in the name, of that family is continued with each child she bears. Sometimes family members seem to forget how things work in their own marriages.
This new wife, if she’s very family oriented, wants to blend with her new family. She wants to grow a comfort and trust with her husband’s family that is close to that of her own family. Wives remember birthdays, make sure proper gifting happens, she may very well be the person that makes sure her husband is at family events…and the children. She goes out of her way to make everyone comfortable when she is hosting the family. When this is acknowledged and appreciated this woman is blessed. When she gains a sister, mother, brother, father instead of an undermining micro-aggressive adversary she’s blessed. When she is able to open her heart completely without fear of betrayal she is blessed. This is not to say there won’t be challenges, because every relationship has them, but the foundation is solid.
However, this beautiful coming together is not always the case. There are times when no matter how hard you try who you are as a person at your core is unacceptable to the family of your husband. Granted there can be pleasantries and you can be cordial, but you will find out that you are persona non grata when hardship & challenges arise. Pressure tends to make the truth rise. Some women will choose the path of conformity against their better judgment, well-being, and sometimes against the advice of their husband. Some wives began to turn themselves into what is deemed a “respectable” wife, and this usually involves silence and doing what one is told. Expertise and intelligence are only useful when it benefits or defends the family. This can destroy a woman at her core. It is at this very important crossroad that a life choice must be made.
It is a blessing when your husband really did “leave and cleave”. When you know he’s in your corner no matter what, and though that makes your heart full… you know it came at a cost. Regardless of the position of your spouse, you must decide that marriage won’t be the destruction of who you are as God intended you to be. Just as everyone else can seek God’s face about who they are and walk in that fullness boldly so should you. It may be difficult at first, but this decision will be a blessing over time. You family in love might not understand who you are, but marriage is not mean to tear you down. Challenges and rough patches are to be expected, everyone is human. However, remember who you are, and where you stand as a woman first. Ultimately, you decide if marriage will bless or break you. Choose wisely.
Staff Writer; Adonicka Michele