(ThySistas.com) Routines matter in my life. I can’t function without alarms, and to-do lists. Order is my best friend. Granted there are times I fall short and get off track. When this happens, it seems my life and home fall into disarray quickly. Sometimes the derailment could stem from trauma, grief, or exhaustion. Regardless of the source there always comes a point whereby I have to get me together so that I can pull my home back together. Home…yes that’s more than a house; I find myself needing to reset the peace, comfort, and efficiency vibe in my home. When I look up and laundry is backed up, meals are being outsourced, and every morning is a dreaded experience because I can’t find anything I’m drowning. In this moment I begin to re-create order. You’d think there is support for this situation…that someone would notice that I’m out of character right…wrong. In this moment my curse appears to be my ability to appear highly efficient while falling apart. My path to order is routine…which can be a challenge when those close to you don’t seem to understand that order must be established, or you just might lose your mind. Experience helps shape understanding so there are comments and expectations you tend to overlook, but who do people in the same boat not understand the situation. How is it another mom didn’t understand?
Every household, and the person running it, is different yet some things are consistent. Laundry, meals, baths, if the kids are of age…homework, and managing multiple schedules are just a few of the thigs you’ll find in most homes that are the same. The difference comes in how one decides to manage the situation. I find that trying to find the rhythm when you get off track can be just like getting back on your diet after cheat day turns into days. Anyone that’s ever been on a diet knows there is some strict discipline coming to get on track, and those around you not only respect what you are trying to do but they act as accountability partners. Well, the same is needed when you are a mom trying to bring order and balance to the chaos that is your home.
The women we deem as strong and efficient tend to get the least amount of understanding. If you know your mom friend is working on a new routine don’t call her just to talk when you know she’s trying to work on the to-do list. You know 4pm-9pm during the week is crunch time for a lot of parents. If your mom friend has put that time on a schedule respect what she’s trying to do. Call later in the evening or send a text message. Just don’t get upset when she doesn’t drop everything to sit on the phone and listen to you chat about your day…and your kids.
If you have assistance with your mom and home life, but your mom friend doesn’t…respect that situation please. She is doing everything herself so no she might not feel like going out to lunch. She might not feel like girls night. The truth is she might be too exhausted from the day, and she’s just glad she made it through the day. Let’s not be the mom that mom shames this sista for being no fun or abandoning her friends when you know you very well could be her if you didn’t have assistance. If the sista distances herself or confronts you about the mom shaming don’t act surprised…you earned it. We have to show the understanding we’d want if the person trying to get it together was us.
I found my second wind in my home. I was able to go to the one thing that I know never fails me, after God, and that is order & routine. It was time to pull out the schedule and set alarms. It was time for every minute to have a purpose. My kids were put back on their routine; clothes for the next day went back to being a night before task. That hard part about getting my order back was having to say look…call me after 9pm. Sometimes, I would apologize because I crashed on the couch almost the moment I sat down to the call or text wasn’t returned. However, my hone was back in order. I’ll never understand the mom friends that don’t seem to understand this situation…but I find that I no longer care. Maybe you should throw that care out the window too.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.