(ThySistas.com) One of the greatest gifts we can give each other as sistahs…as black women is empathy. Out ability to understand the pain and needs of others is amazing. However, we don’t always offer this grace to each other, in part because we don’t give ourselves grace. If a sistah is single it’s assumed she has nothing but free time on her hands…how dare she be unavailable to family and friends. This is not okay; this sistah has a right to have a life and she should not be guilted in any way. If this sistah decides, for whatever reason, she doesn’t want children…there should be no problem. This needs to become normal practice within sistah circles. The practice of respecting the life choices of our sistahs, and what those choices mean for their life.
If our sistahs have a profession they love, but it can have it’s challenges it’s cruel to throw those challenges in her face. If she’s tired, mentally exhausted, going through foolishness at work, and she’s experiencing physical challenges the women in her village should do all they can to support her. No one should be telling her to deal with it because she chose that profession. It is important to pour love and care into the sistah when she struggles to muster the strength to manage self. Do you see how troubling that sounds?
Love, care, support, and empathy must be a two way street for the relationships amongst sistahs to remain strong. Please understand if we must understand the sistah that chooses, or is, alone…we must do the same for the sistah that seems surrounded by people every day. Both of these extremes need care, support and as many hugs as they can stand. If you chose to have a family of size, take in family members, or help raise children that are not yours you should not be guilted when it seems you can’t manage self. It is a daunting task, regardless of the love, to raise another individual. Pouring into others on a day in and day out basis is draining, especially if you don’t know how to sustain your energy. What can normally look like depression could simply be a case of time mismanagement and severe fatigue. Some of your parent friends might not be doing very well though the people around them are striving.
When the village comes together, we can help each other refuel, and share life wisdom we have acquired. In doing this all voices are heard. Every lifestyle is considered and there is enough love and support to go around. We are all tired and needing of a relaxing vacation whereby true rest is the primary goal. When your sister friend comes to you exhausted, overwhelmed, and feeling like she’s failing at life… this isn’t the moment to say, “well you chose to have those kids so stop complaining”. Reaching out to talk about what she’s feeling might have been the act before the straw broke the camels back. If you said that and it seems like she’s disappeared…she has. You weren’t told about your choices when your career that you chose had you ready to cuss, but she was a rock and ear for you in that rough space. Understand this comes from her love and care for you, but also because she is use to managing more than herself.
Everyday she has to give of herself to individuals under her roof and in her care. Listening to you feels like second nature, and so does wanting to do all she can to help you work past whatever challenges you face. The thing is, she needs the same kind of response from you when it’s her turn to vent. This concept touches on coming out of self and giving the care you expect. We can’t do this for each other when we are judging career and family life choices, verse speaking to the apparent need. If we can manage to support without judgement, we’d have less sistahs feeling overwhelmed and isolate. Sometimes it’s as simple as an engaged listening ear, and an encouragement that everything going to be okay.
Staff Writer; Adonicka Michele