(ThySistas.com) As women we should be able to see the value in each other based on who we are. The idea that we judge and destroy each other in ways unimaginable doesn’t make sense. There are women that feel as thought you aren’t a woman, a lady, unless you are a homemaker…even if you do work outside of the home. The pressure is daunting, and it doesn’t allow for simply being human, or having one’s own identity. Ironically, we can speak to great lengths about the standards and opinions that men have of women. Their ideals can be quite oppressive and women are absolutely tired of such treatment. Unfortunately, we haven’t seemed to find a way to avoid treating one another in the same oppressive manner.
Back to the house wife ideal, women rejected that notion in large realizing they had dreams and goals outside the home. Everything didn’t have to be about cooking, cleaning, home, supporting a spouse and children. We wanted to feel the positive weight of our own ambitions. Many sistahs were already on the journey to purse goals, and many more followed. In that space it began to be seen as weak, and less than if a woman took any pleasure in what would be deemed as domestication. Now these things pegged as the abandonment of dreams, goals and power. More importantly it can be see as allowing oneself to be subjected, and depreciated by a man.
Just as a sistah should not be ridiculed for pursuing her career and various hobbies outside of her home, a sistah should not have to endure ridicule because she has domesticated past-times. There are women that love hosting events at home, organizing and decorating their home, cooking various meals, and some even love knitting and sewing. None of these things should be pegged as the lost of one’s power. When empowering one another it is important that we don’t project the suffering we have endured on the next woman. Just as black people aren’t a monolith…neither are black women. No woman should feel they must hide their hobbies and ambitions for fear of being seen as weak. Yes, domesticated hobbies can become ambitions, businesses, and a thriving source of revenue. Does one have to wait until a business manifest to be seen as a strong black woman? Cooking every meal because I enjoy it, or cleaning because it’s therapeutic, crocheting because I love the patterns doesn’t make me, or the next woman less.
Its time as black women to truly take how we see one another into account. We expect others to be accountable for how they treat us, and for the stereotypes they perpetuated. We need the world to see us for the wonderful multifaceted individuals we are. The problem is, far too often the accountability we are demanding of others doesn’t exist amongst us. Individualism can be supported without tearing another sista down. The idea that some of us can rip a sista apart for her love of domesticated hobbies is no different that ripping a sista because she loves to work on cars.
The first safe space we must defend and hold accountable is that space whereby only the sistas in out sista circle reside. It is important to encourage a space where we can share our talents, ambitions, and even fears without the concern that we will be seen as less than…weak, or without “true” ambition. We can’t show others how we deserve to be seen if one of our greatest threats for hurt is another black woman. Whether taking over the boardroom or making a quilt we are all strong and needed.
Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James
May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.