(ThySistas.com) Sistahs it’s quite okay to decide being a mom is not for you. Sometimes that decision is one whereby peace has to be made with the one’s body as children might have once been a desire. However, there are some of us that just have a personality that doesn’t desire motherhood. That is very hard to say within community without getting the side eye from an elder. Furthermore, those that have children will rebuke you for not wanting such, while having a genuine consistent complaint regarding their lot in life as a mother. Please don’t think this means you don’t love children. Everyone has a part to play and it’s time those of us whose title isn’t mom rest in that space without feeling condemned. The truth is any of us love being the Aunt. This role is absolutely amazing! I have yet to hear a sistah gripe about being the Aunt. This title allows us to have a positive influence on young people in our family. A special relationship is fostered that is different from motherhood, as we over a valuable support system to moms in our family and community.
Just as we don’t have to have a biological connection to be the Aunt. This could be the relationship we have with a child that we are committed to loving, supporting, protecting, and even correcting. Sometimes Aunts are able to over a protective space whereby nieces and nephews can confide in us what is on their heart and mind in a very candid way as we tend to have a more relaxed communication. In this trusted space we can help our precious one avoid life’s landmines and work through life’s challenges. If it takes a village to raise a child it’s important to know that after the mother you are a very vital part of the village.
I realized many years ago, well before my illness would cement it in stone, that I didn’t want to be a mother. I wanted to be in supportive capacity to a child verses primary care provider. I realized that solitude was a very important part of life. I never wanted to deprive a child the attention and care they deserve knowing I’m not properly wired for motherhood. In addition to this it took me a long time to say the words “not properly wired for motherhood” without feeling internal condemnation.
This feeling would be made worse by those in my family and circle who felt I was obligated to long to be a mother. I didn’t know it then, but knowing myself in this area helped me to deal with the news from doctors that wouldn’t be able to carry kids. Though it was a physical reality I wasn’t distraught because it was never something I wanted. I took harder hits due to the overall nature of my conditions. When I look back over my life my aunts were everything to me. They were confidants, they supported me when others didn’t, reminded me that I had valued, and were always up to have a good time. They were some of the classiest jazziest women I have ever known.
If you just want to be the influential Aunt do so without any shame. You are a value to family and community. Never allow anyone to shame nor condemn you into doing something you don’t feel is for you. There is nothing wrong with you, nor your womanhood. It’s time we remind others of individuality, and the freedom in such. You know who you are, so be that unapologetic Aunt.
Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James
May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.