(ThySistas.com) Transformation is defined by Merriam Webster as an act, process, or instance of transforming or being transformed. There have been plenty of self-help books on the subject as well as spiritual retreats. Black women are constantly told we need to change or remake ourselves. When I was a child, I would hear about older women in the church going to “Woman Thou Art Loosed” and always wanted to know what was holding her. Now that I am a woman, I understand what she needed to be loosed from, wholeheartedly. However, it didn’t take T.D. Jakes or his made-for-tv movie to figure out the path.
Rev. Jakes was correct in that healing from our shame, guilt, and past failures that we can be renewed. These feelings imprison us and cause us great anguish. How we handle these feelings is individual and unique to each of us. Some of us lash out at others in anger when we are called out for our transgressions. Others will retreat to a safe place to avoid all of the chaos that surrounds us. Sitting still waiting for the storm to pass and pray that we can manage our demons a bit better tomorrow. The last thing we do is generally when we see a change for the better if we put all the pieces together correctly. I can admit I’ve done all of the above and it feels like banging your head against a wall expecting something different to happen other than bleeding.
Until we have that epiphany moment when the dust has settled from the destruction of everything we once were. There’s a break in the clouds and we see a glimpse of the image we want to see. The best thing one can do is to continue to break the bonds of whatever situation until the sky is clear and our shell is broken. When we shatter that ceiling, it awakens something in us that can’t be tamed. The fights internally and with others who wanted better for us finally take hold and you remember those lessons. You carry them with you into the wilderness to gain more experiences and grow a little wiser. I’m not going to lie as with everything it was and is excruciatingly painful.
The thing about transforming is that even though it hurts sometimes you barely notice it is happening. The only reason I stepped back to self-assess was that I noticed how negatively I had transformed by looking at photos from just a few years ago. I looked nothing like myself and it hurt me to my core. I’m sure all women do this from time to time but when you go through a certain situation, self-evaluation will tell you all you need to know about how far you have grown or regressed. It was at that moment that I decided to wrap my entire being in a cocoon for the better. It has been a struggle, to say the least. False starts since January 1 have abounded but it just gives me more motivation to keep plugging ahead. To truly be transformed, we have to recognize the past hurts and the habits that led us down this road.
Once we acknowledge those missteps, it seems like it’s a bit easier to look in the mirror. Now in no way am I saying stand in the mirror and nitpick every little thing about yourself. For the love of Dear Sweet Baby Jesus, don’t do that. I’ve done that too and I’m here to report that it only makes you feel worse. The way I kept myself from nitpicking was to pick one habit that was detrimental to me and dissect why and how it got that way. I found when I did that, I was able to mentally unpack so many emotions, experiences, and feelings that I had buried inside. It was eye-opening but it also allowed me to devise a plan of attack to fix the flaw. Another step that would help would be to forgive and it’s not just limited to others. We have to learn to forgive ourselves for our past transgressions so we can heal and be like a phoenix from the ashes of our former self.
Staff Writer; Jessieca Carr
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