(ThySistas.com) One day, you’re minding your own business and you get an unexpected phone call from your grandmother. You start the conversation with the usual pleasantries and the topic begin to shift to something glee filled yet terrifying. She tells you that she has been dreaming of fish. Your heart begins to race, and she continues on to say that every time her pole touched the water she caught a fish. Now you really begin to panic.
Black women in America have heard this premonition as far back as I can remember. Depending on the situation the child was conceived in, it is one that brings either terror or complete jubilation. For some of us, it is the confirmation we needed from our own intuitions about our bodies. On the other hand, this was our worst fears about our bodies revealing their reproductive powers when we felt like something was different or off. Yet, how are you supposed to feel when you were not planning for another bundle of love?
A mother’s love for her child is one of the purest forms there is. The unconditional emotional and spiritual exchange is what hits some of us when we think of our mothers and a tear wells up in our eye. The bond between them is undeniable even if there has been time between the child and mother seeing each other. What do you do when that bond is not automatic, and you struggle to accept the child? Should you be ashamed that you had to learn to love and accept your child’s existence while you carried them for the duration of your pregnancy? Guilt sets in because as a mother you are the penultimate safe haven and caregiver for your child and here you are denying them affection and love. A child knows nothing but to love, care, and trust you when they come into the world because they have no choice. You are their parent, home, and protector.
These mixed emotions can cause a range of different behavior but as a Black mother, many choose the path of rising above the situation and loving the child ten times harder. I know I did. I had to learn that blessings come in a myriad of ways and there are times that we cannot exactly see what their purpose was. I had to come to the realization that it was not my plan anymore. I made decisions that led me to be a vessel for the greatest task known. It is not the child’s fault that guilt became my close friend. The child that grew all of a sudden became one that is feared and loved all at once.
The fear aspect stems from your unplanned blessing’s timing and what new direction your life will take now that they’re in it. It also comes from the new challenges that come with adding a person to your household. Love, in the end, overrules the fear. It pushes you to do more and be more for the child because you want to give them the best of you just like they give in turn. The love that blooms overflows and stretches to those around you and makes even the darkest situations seem a bit brighter.
So, love the bonus baby. Embrace the new cub into the sleuth and you’ll see how much love you really have to go around.
Staff Writer; Jessieca Carr
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