(ThySistas.com) It can be argued that everyone is insecure about something. There is always something we can work on or be better at. However, the root of insecurity for many of us comes from trauma, various forms of mental abuse, dealing with abandonment, and parent issues that could be stand alone or involve all the above mentioned. When dealing with insecurity for the majority of one’s life, without adequate help, we don’t always see how it has become a part of who we are, and how we relate to others. Without any warning one day we look in the mirror to see a woman that views the world through the lens of insecurity. This woman doesn’t truly trust others, but she craves their approval. She needs validation and seeks them from others in unstable spaces.
Far too often criticism, regardless of delivery, is seen as an attack. She sees herself as someone giving all she loves everything she has, but she never gets the same dedication in return. “Why am I not enough” is the question on repeat in her mind. Her insecurities, regardless of the source, has given birth to full grown anxiety disorder. She now has to manage the two when the truth is, they manage her. This woman understands toxic behavior as something she often has to endure from others, but she never sees herself as a source for such because she gives her best to every situation.
Projecting one’s insecurities on others is toxic, and it can be abusive to those you love and care about. It is very hard to accept the previous statement if you are not willing to own that your insecurity, often coupled with anxiety, shape how you view people. Parent issues and abuse is real, and they require healing. Far too often we want to move forward with relationships while harboring the word and put downs of others. In this space it is hard to acknowledge one’s own hypocrisy that is born out of insecurity. Insecurity and past experience would make you say you don’t deserve to be judged by the actions of another women. You are not the person that hurt this brother and he needs to see you for you.
Sister you are absolutely right. All women are not crazy because of the women he’s encountered. If the brother isn’t healed he needs to tend to himself. Though this position is true you must ask yourself did you apply this perspective to you? Just because you have been hurt, in various ways, doesn’t make all men dogs and cheaters. Someone new in your life should not have to bear the judgement of your past. If you are not healed maybe you should consider embarking on such before moving on so that you are not toxic to someone else. You don’t want to find yourself projecting the same hurt and insecurity on to others that you are currently living.
No one is saying the experiences you have should be ignored. You just don’t want to be in a space whereby they control your life and interactions with others. It is important to be able to see yourself as the strong splendid women you are so that this goes before you. Seeing yourself through insecurity means this is the only way you will see others. You will hurt sisters that love and are standing with you, and you can hurt a man that is just trying to love you. Work on healing and killing the insecurity so that you can be free from its clutches, and love freely.
Staff Writer; Adonicka Michele