(ThySistas.com) Black men and women have had to, contrary to popular belief, learn how to cover each other’s pain. We have had to turn an eye while the other cry for fear our entire being might fall apart. Our men have never been considered human, and no we aren’t seen as such either. The thing is it can become difficult for even black women to see the humanity in a black man because the idea of it is void from society. We start off with bright eyes little boys that are in tuned with their internal energy. They know when they are hurting, and when a matter disturbs their peace. They might not know how to express it completely because they are children…but this beautiful spirit is in danger the day we tell him to “suck it up”.
We begin putting the soul in danger when they are chastised and shamed, as little boys, for crying. The day they learn their feeling don’t matter in spaces whereby they should…and everyone else’s does the humanity of the child is in jeopardy. Some of us have never seen a black man cry. We’ve seen them bury family, go through trauma, some have even seen death happen, they have been beaten and abused yet we haven’t seen a single tear.
When Kobe Bryant transitioned we watched black men go from disbelief, to denial, to an outpourance of emotion they could no longer hide now control. We saw grown men on national television in tears. I saw bruthas walking the streets with glassy eyes while fighting to control the tears that refused to be contained. Many sisters saw this and came to pieces inside. They just wanted to console these men, tell them somehow it’s going to be okay, and you are not alone. We watched the reality of their humanity come crashing down on our heads. I thought about every nephew and god son I have. Their soul is on my mind as we witness the pain of our men. I begin to speak directly to the men in my life that I’ve never seen cry.
I asked them do they cry only to be told “yes sometimes but it’s not something that needs to be seen because no one cares when you cry…tears from us don’t invoke care. Crying gets us kicked further. I’m dealing with enough I’m not about to also try to defend my manhood because I cried” His commentary had me ready to cry because no one should live like that, and over time it can create bitterness and rage…violence. In that moment this older black man had me questioning the connection between the denial of humanity in black men and the violence we see in some areas.
We are human; black men are human. Our men feel pain, and they cry. They deserve the right to express pain, loss, trauma, and anything else that is heavy in their souls simply because they are human beings. They are crying for the pain of the loss of Kobe Bryant; but I get the feeling these tears are coming from a deeper place. They are tired and they can no longer mask the pain. They are seen by some as animals…but even animals are allowed to feel more than black men. Starting with our little boys…we have to allow them to work through how they feel verses starting a compiling of silent tears that will span into their adulthood. It doesn’t take away from their manhood to feel pain when it comes. They are human.
Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James
May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.