(ThySistas.com) Life will happen to all of us at some point, and it won’t be one time, it helps when we have sistahs in our life that stand on the way with us. They will stop what they are doing and pray with us, check on us, and remind us of who we are. The thing is there are those of us that are like the rock of relationships. We help ground the people in our life, and never want to be a burden to others. We feel we will get through whatever we are going through by being there for everyone else. As we pour goodness and kindness into those we love we get blessed along the way.
This method of dealing may have pulled the rock in the relationship out of many dark spaces without anyone ever knowing the space existed. In the long run this is dangerous. We must teach others how to love us. It is healthy to talk about how we can be supportive to one another…communication is necessary for this exchange. Everyone must trust each other enough to say this is where I hurt it would be helpful if you could support me in this area. The danger arises when this conversation never happens…but life shows up.
In a moment the grounding sistah can find herself in the middle of life storms in ways she never imagined. The core of her elder support may no longer be available, and additions to her life doesn’t allow for mistakes in her emotional space. If the storm is hitting in physical, mental, and spiritual spaces she may feel she’s about to go under emotionally and in that moment she needs to reach out. the problem is no one is prepared to stand in the gap for her because she has never opened up about what she needs to stay on her feel when everything goes left. She may end up asking for support and explaining what she needs in the same space. That is hard to do when it feels like everything is falling apart. The worst thing that could happen is to look up and the people she trust isn’t there…and people she’s been there for decide they want to pick a fight. In this space a sistah can end up withdrawn, shutting down, unable to care for herself or family, and this is also how loved ones could end up getting a call from the hospital.
Sistah if you are the grounding agent in your relationships talk to those you trust. Share with them your support language. Sometimes we are so focused on love language that we don’t understand support is also a language as the needs are different for everyone. More than likely you have shown what you need in how you’ve supported those you love so reference those spaces. Just as you see the naked vulnerability of those you love…that’s a two-way street open up while you can. If you try to have this conversation and are met with negativity, and the matter is no longer about you that is a red flag.
Of course, you want to communicate in a manner that isn’t hard or off putting. You can even understand a bit of confusion as usually you are the support, but it shouldn’t cause a fight. You shouldn’t have to defend your character nor person. If you do realize you are in a one-sided relationship that doesn’t care to support you. It is hurtful and can add to what you are already facing. When the dust settles re-evaluate the nature of the relationship. Because if your sistah is not willing to hear what you need from her in a crisis you might need to walk away because one day she will be the crisis.
Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James
May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.