(ThySistas.com) Ugh! I used to hate Educational Psychology 3000 in college: a class dedicated to understanding why and how little humans (also known as students) think, speak, and act. Future teachers in this class were required to practically memorize and apply the ideas of different psychologists and education enthusiasts in hopes of applying them to our instruction once we became teachers (also known as the original superheroes). My ears perked up when I heard Abraham’s Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Theory. Then, I actually opened my expensive textbook to learn more about Maslow and his sensible idea. His theory “…proposed that healthy human beings have a certain number of needs and that these needs are arranged in a hierarchy, with some needs (such as physiological and safety needs) being more primitive or basic than others (such as social and ego needs).” In other words, humans want to feel safe before they want to be popular.
He was right. As humans, we want to know that our basic needs are met before we can be sociable, lovable, or presentable to anyone else. As women, we forget this because we are too busy being wife, mom, counselor, judge, jury, banker, policeman, and so many other roles to everyone else. We forget our home so then we have to figure out what is “home” for us? What are our needs? I’m in no place to tell you what your “home” is, but I can possibly give you tips on how to find it and maintain it. 
Step 1: Say “I Want…”
Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory gives selfishness such a bad reputation. While I will admit her attitude and actions were extremely horrible, her self-awareness was not. She knew what she wanted. And I applaud her for that because it is hard for women to know what we want for ourselves from ourselves. Sure we know the type of spouse we desire. We know the type of job we want. But what do we want for ourselves? The first step to building our home is to know what we want and say it. Make it known to yourself what you desire. Remember that what you want should be something you are able to obtain on your own. Your want should also be something that will help you to be better and feel better so that you can be whatever is needed for others.
Step 2: Go to Work.
You know what you want for you. Now go to work! Do some type of action that will help you to get what you want. Unfortunately, what you are expecting or wanting is not going to come to you without some type of action to activate it. Sometimes, it may involve money. Sometimes, it may involve silence. Sometimes, it involves a foot-long coney from Sonic. Whatever you need to make your want, go get it!
Step 3: Pivot and Adjust
Getting what you want for your “home” is usually easy. Keeping it gets difficult because life returns to reality and reminds you of your multiple responsibilities and roles that you play to others. It may even come to a point where you have to sit back at your “home” and adjust what you want. Why? Because you have the right and ability to change. If you change, your wants will too. It does not mean that something is wrong with you. Rather, it indicates the growth and control you have over your self-care.
Most women I know would melt when Luther would sing “A Chair Is Not A Chair…” from his song “A House Is Not A Home”. I mean…it is Luther. Also, Luther had a very valid point. Material, status, and finances do not determine self-care. YOU do. Take time to determine what you want, get it, and adjust it as necessary. Maslow would thank you. You will thank yourself too.
Staff Writer; J. W. Bella
May also follow this talented sister online over at; JWB Writes.