(ThySistas.com) Care and compassion are beautiful traits to embody. They are a part of our humanity in dealing with each other. With that being said we must be sure that these two things are not used in a manner that is detrimental to our peace and ability to thrive in our own life. It is okay to desire to see all those you love well and successful. It is very understandable that when we see our loved ones hurting, and out of sorts, it can cause us to feel the urge to do all we can to fix a matter.
This is the very space by which you should tread lightly. If you are not careful you will find yourself lacking in your own life as your business goes undone. My mother always told me: “Mind your business or you won’t have any business to mind”. I admit I felt she was being cold every time she stated these words. However, its clear now she was simply saying you can’t fix everyone.
Some of the pressure we feel from the “strong black woman” stigmatism comes from our inability to back away from a matter. Regardless of why we have involved ourselves or allowed ourselves to be dragged into a situation once there we feel like we must make the matter right. Too many of us equate love and support to cleaning up the mess of other adults. One primary issue with this is energy depletion in your own life. Many of us have heard the saying “energy is neither lost no destroyed…merely transferred.” If you believe this to be a fact you must ask yourself how much energy have you poured, or allowed to be taken, in a matter whereby you should have been a bit more reserved? Sometimes the best fix you can give someone is to allow them to figure it out for themselves.
You waste precious energy trying to get others to see reason as they fight you on it because they may not like the methods you offer. Sometimes you find yourself in the space by which those you love dump their problems, and they feel you don’t care when you aren’t willing to be a landfill for their negative energy. In worst cases they don’t understand you tending to your needs or that of your immediate household before dealing with them. The harsh reality of theses examples is in them you have trained them to believe the world, or you in particular, must stop everything to deal with “life crisis”.
Guarding your heart and energy is not a crime or a selfish act…it is one of self-care. You must realize you can’t fix everyone, and you shouldn’t want to do so. Some of the best lessons learned are the ones we are allowed to endure for ourselves. As you constantly intervene, or allow yourself to become a cover, you re robbing the person you love of the opportunity to think, and understand consequence, for themselves. Sometimes all you can do is pray for your loved ones, and live.
If you don’t you will find yourself carrying fatigue, frustrations and stress that is not your own while enduring crisis and chaos that is the result of self-neglect. Nothing hurts more than to endure negative consequences because you spent so much time trying to fix a loved one, or their situation, only to watch them digress and totally disregard what you sacrificed to pour into them…. especially when both of you know you are right. This can turn your care and compassion to bitterness because they don’t have to deal with the confusion they caused in your life. Every battle is not yours to fix. Every matter is not yours to fix. There is nothing wrong with backing up; it doesn’t mean you love any lt simply means love with wisdom.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.