(ThySistas.com) Sometimes in life, things don’t go the way we want them to. We plan and try to make sure that we have all of our ducks in a row, but with the way the world is today, even our most thought out plans can end up not working. It can be very easy to become down because of failed dreams or tough situations. If you are a positive person like me, ultimately, you look for the good and know that you will eventually get what you’ve been working toward. But what if you have a friend who is in the same boat as you and becomes toxic and bitter because of her situation?
I ask this question because I have such a friend. At one point in her life, she was at the top of her game. However, due to a number of circumstances, some of which are a result of bad choices, I am sure, she’s in an extremely hard place right now. As such, whenever we talk she is extremely negative to the point now where she’s toxic.
How do you deal with a friend’s toxicity that’s a result of the hard time they are experiencing in life?
Encourage Them (As Much as They’ll Allow)
I am an encourager. I am a planner. If things are out of whack, I try to do my best to make a plan to get back on track. Offer that kind of encouragement to your friend. But if they continue to wallow in their pity, don’t let that affect you.
Give Them Helpful Resources
This one goes along with the previous tip. After encouraging them, offer to help (as much as your schedule allows). Find resources that can help them get through their situation. It can be literature on the subject, offering to take a class with them, or taking them out for a fun day or night.
Be Real with Them
You have to let them know that their negativity is not good for your friendship. You, of course, want to be there for them, but you also want to be clear that you cannot engage in their self-loathing, negative thinking. This can serve as a wakeup call for them as well as protection from their bad vibes.
Back Away for A While
Sometimes, I find myself being too available and too nice to people. I’ve had friends who were going through things that took their frustrations out on me. I’ve had friends find what they consider negative things in the positive things I’ve shared with them. At some point, for your own self-care, you may need to back away for a while as your friend figures things out because clearly your words and efforts aren’t getting through.
People can be bitter and become toxic as a result of their circumstances and not even know it. If they are willing to hear what you have to say and accept your help, great. If not, you may have to make a hard decision to preserve your own mental health.
Staff Writer; Rasheda Abdullah