(ThySistas.com) Many of us are willing to acknowledge that self-care needs to be a priority in our life for us to be our best selves. We should want to be our best for us first, and then for those that we love. Though we are social individuals as humans, the amount of energy we can give to a social space tends to vary. As Black women we can easily be put into the box of the communicator that brings all parts of the community together. In order for this to be achieved we must personally engage with said community. Given the society we live in, and its many demands, we are not always able to do this in person. Think about the amount of time you spend a day on your phone. This time included talking and texting with family and loved ones, but it also includes the time we spend on social media. Regardless of if the time is spend entertaining self, engaging with loves ones, or engaging in social discourse of various matters…this can still be draining as it is still socializing.
Far too often we must be in spaces for work, spouse, kids, and various family members. If we tack on the spaces, we enter due to organizational obligations we are now looking at a schedule that seems to have to end. More importantly the schedule does not have time to just be in a space with self. When you realize you need alone time how does that make you feel? Do you find yourself needing to justify the need to be alone? Do you personally feel guilty for needing some alone you time? Do others in your life make you feel guilty for simply suggesting that you might need this time? If you answered yes to any of these questions you may be allowing your need for alone time to be taken always. It is quite natural to need time to collect and recenter yourself, and it’s okay to demand the time.
When life is moving at 100mph you might feel like super woman for appearing to keep up with the pace, however no one can keep up with said pace long term. Many of us don’t like the super woman trope, but too many of us allow it to be a reality…and actually find pride in it. Yes, admit it, some of us like being able to appear to be doing everything with what appears to be unquestionable strength. The truth is there is strength in honesty and being able to maintain oneself long term. This means you cannot be everything to everyone while being no one to yourself. There must be time to be alone with yourself. It might be difficult to demand that space, if you are afraid of actually being alone with yourself. Sometimes we see alone time as in the same light as being in time out, or we see it as unproductive. We tend to start thinking about everything we can be doing and accomplishing if we were doing something other than sitting with self. Remember, many of us can agree self-care is necessary. However, it is more than getting your hair and nails done or going to the spa. Self-care indulgeaking the time to re-center, meditate, indulging in hobbies you love, and genuinely resting.
Rest is something far too many of us need, we know we need it, and yet we ignore the need regardless of the reason. I’m reminded of when I was pregnant and at a stage where I could try to rest, but I thought about everything I needed or wanted done and I was constantly on the move. The elders would warn me to rest, because once the baby arrives, I would regret not resting when I could. Many of us have heard a version of this warning. Nothing could have been truer… I did not rest and once the little one was here rest deprived was an understatement. Too many of us can feel it in our body when we need to stop and sit or lay down. Even when we can actually find the time to do so…we do not. Let me speak on a reality…the hospital is no place to rest. Too many of us don’t stop unless our body shuts down, and far too often that results in some form of diagnosis that might find its root in a lack of self-care. We neglected to rest.
Rest is a part of self-care, and so is time alone with yourself. Sometimes you need to be in a quiet space where the world stops for just long enough for you to center your need to hear from God and hear from YOU. Yes, you need to be able to hear your own voice, and that is difficult when the voice of others is constant. This is not time that you request…its time that you demand and schedule. Just as you make time in the day to tend to the needs of everyone else, make the time to have alone time with you. It is quite okay, and necessary. Normalize this alone time so that it is not only understood by others, but they can also learn to do this for themselves by watching you. This is another way you can bless your village.
I personally schedule my quiet time because I’m a better me, wife, mom, daughter, sister, and friend when I am balanced and rested. It hasn’t always been easy, but once you start and are consistent with this self-need you will find it’s as easy as bathing. Understand that your alone time doesn’t always have to be meditation, planning, thinking, or even reading…sometimes it can be sleeping, or just taking the time to be still and breathe. How your use your alone time is based on who you are and what you need…just know it is something you need, and it makes for a stronger happier you.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.