(ThySistas.com) Far too often “spilling the tea” is the equivalent to spilling acid. I understand that what I’m about to talk about can be said for any group dynamic. However, I don’t walk in those circles so they can address their corrosion themselves. I care about the state of sista circles amongst Black women, because I believe how we interact with each other has a direct affect on our community. We birth community so it’s only fair to assume we have a strong hand in how that community is managed. Yes, I am aware there that Black men have a role to play in said community, and how they interact with us is just as important. I can address that too, but today the discussion is Black woman and our relationship to each other. One could argue how we relate to each other and say something about the state of our individual wellness.
Let’s acknowledge, if we may, that how we demand others to treat us is how we should treat each other. If men and other groups ought not disrespect us, then we should not disrespect self. It makes no sense to rally together to fight others, only to turn around and through bricks in our own house. Conflict is a part of life, but how we handle it is the game changer. Clowning around is a part if our culture, but we all should be able to genuinely laugh or its not a joke…its hurtful. Furthermore, if we are honest…and dealing with internal hurt and conflict within self this can cause us to respond to other sistas in an ugly manner if we are not careful. There is absolutely nothing good that comes from tearing the woman next to you down.
This is important to tackle within our community, because far too often the women we tear down are not strangers. It’s the women we commune with regularly that we hurt. Even if the goal is to help our sista become more accountable, take better care of her health, or just make better decisions, this never comes from talking down to her. The greatest weapon we, as Black women, wield is our words. Granted words are already powerful, but I truly believe they are on another level in the mouth of Black women. To be fair the power of our words has shown over time to be the healing and death of us depending on how we use them. At what point to we consistently speak life into the women we claim to love, and the one that move through our community. This is something we must all, elder and young, sit with. Our daughters are tearing each other down because they saw their mothers do it, and the mothers saw their mothers do it. It’s something that happens from home, to church, to the streets. I will always side with the culture when others attack us, but it’s heartbreaking to turn around and see us do it to us.
The latest public issue was on reality TV, many of us will agree Erica Mena should have never fixed her mouth to call a Black woman [Spice] a monkey…period. With that established, why in the name of all that’s sacred would Spice, a Black woman, then turn around and call a Black woman [Bambi] a giraffe? The problem with this example, is too many of us would justify the “giraffe” comment as that’s how we talk to each other, or maybe that’s how she looks to Spice, or they don’t like each other so it was said in the heat of an unkind discussion. The bottom line is regardless of the why, it’s wrong. As Black women we have to learn how to communicate with each other. There can be conflict that leads to a necessary confrontation, and no one has to get called out of their name to settle the matter.
If we want to see progress amongst our people, our children…our community we as the women of said community have to learn how to deal with one another in love. Where there is no love there must be respect for self and principle. How we engage with one another is a reflection of the respect we have for self just as much as the woman in front of us. We already know we face adversity and harsh treatment outside of the community. Many of us have been allowed to harbor ill feelings and ones of mistrust against our own as a result of trauma, unresolved conflict, and being caught in the web of another sista’s trauma. At some point we must come together and rise in unity and respect if we are to ever thrive as a whole.
Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James
May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.