(ThySistas.com) I’ve always had a love and respect for my feet. This might sound funny, but as much as I love shoes…I can’t afford for them to offend my feet for any real period of time. It is always important that I find heels that look amazing, but they must fit well without messing up my feet. The few times I went against my better judgement on this I found myself unable to walk well, and in some instances my ankles screamed at me also. This matters because, it’s where my mind is as I approach 41. I don’t want to be in any place nor space whereby I’m just not a good and healthy fit. It was very important for me to die to wanting to fit in unhealthy spaces. Let’s be honest, no one really wants to be that odd person out.
Different relationships carry different expectations, spaces, and energies. When there is love, and a need to integrate into a space adjustments are made. This can be healthy when the adjustment causes positive growth, and a better understanding of self. Unfortunately, this positive adjustment doesn’t always happen. This can leave you in a situation, like with too small heels, that will be uncomfortable, and more importantly…damaged.
In our life changes we tend to want to be accepted whether it’s a new neighbor, marriage, community groups, or church…we need the affirmation that we are in the right place and space. The thing is sometimes the affirmation doesn’t come, and there is nowhere for you to go but where you are now. In this space it’s easy to feel that you must compromise the authenticity of who you are and begin to contort yourself to fit into uncomfortable spaces. If you stay in any position too long you might be able to fool yourself into feeling accepted. You just might feel your relationships are making a positive turn, and things are getting better. This can lead you to believe the sacrifice you made, though it’s not true to self, was worth the discomfort of being away from you. As long as you “think” you are apart, loved, respected…accepted you can stay in the illusion of reality. However, life tends to have a way of smashing illusions at the worst time, and in the worst way. It has a way of bringing you face to face with exactly what did not happen…and the pain of the box you put self in becomes excruciating. You have a simple choice…kill the box or die inside of it.
I had been uncomfortable for a while. So many authentic things about myself were questioned and condemned in so many different spaces I just knew less of me would be best. Time went by, and I really did believe I was making progress in every space I had been in. too be quite honest, my father warned me this path would lead to disaster…he’s been down the path before. However, as long as I felt I was growing in love I went with this choppy flow. I could have never been so wrong. Pain and trauma showed itself in the worst way…loss occurred and it continued. The truth found it’s way to the surface; I don’t know if I was more hurt that some of the relationships, I valued had not been genuine, or if I was more hurt because I had turned on myself for foolishness. Honestly, I believe the latter wounded me more. Getting in an uncomfortable space is painful but getting out is doubly painful. I was forced to reckon with why I chose to be anything less than myself, and why I decided to allow others to judge the nature of my authenticity without authority. I guess I didn’t want to lose people I love…I didn’t want to lose my world. Maybe you can relate.
The bottom line was the realization that I would not lose anything that was for me, and neither will you. We all deserve to stand in the truth of who we are and be loved and respected for that person. Just as the too small shoes can damage your feet and hinder your mobility, playing too small in life can damage your spirit, and literally hinder everything else. I’m dead to wanting to fit, and I strongly suggest you do the same. Be advised it doesn’t fix the situations and differences that exist. However, you are moving authentically so the rest will take care of itself.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.