(ThySistas.com) Trauma can come in many different forms. It is very important to make sure we don’t judge trauma by individual experience. What is traumatic for one might not be the same for another, or it might manifest itself in a unique way. Pain and trauma go hand in hand, and it has an effect on how we view the world. The common term we are hearing in the use of the word trigger. Though that term has taken on a life of its own many people use it when referring to situations that take them back to a place of pain and trauma mentally that can also manifest with physical side effects. A part of learning how to navigate those murky emotional waters is to understand that everyone is not aware of the trauma one has faced.
No one should be held responsible for trauma that did not involve them. Even when there is communication, depending on the trauma, a person shouldn’t be asked to walk on eggshells or diminish so that the person traumatized can feel more comfortable. The thing is, those that love you will try to do that very thing until it becomes a source of trauma for them. Trauma can affect trust and responses to various kinds of conflict. Know that conflict is a natural, and even healthy, part of every relationship. However, assumption is not.
We’ve all heard the term hurt people hurt others. It is very easy to see this when the hurt that is inflicted is physical or more so blatant. However, assumptions can be source of hurt. It is important we understand that even when someone is in a trauma gripped space, they don’t have the right to hurt others, or disregard the pain afflicted. The reason this is important is because assumptions tough at the very heart of character and integrity. If you aren’t careful, you could find yourself accusing a family member of lying, stealing, negligence or abandonment that is purely created by the trauma you are facing verses the actions committed by the party involved. This can also be seen in romantic relationships whereby there hasn’t been healing from the trauma of abuse, abandonment or pain from action that took place in the previous relationship. If no healing has transpired, you could find yourself in the throws of trauma that has resurfaced causing you to make assumptions about your partners behavior that have no merit. This is a destructive space because in the moment you totally believe the accusation or feel if it’s made you have to defend such. This kind of assumption leads to the traumatization and pain of others at your hands. That might not be the goal, but it is the outcome.
Once a person is cut in this way it is hard for them to trust you emotionally, even though they very well might understand your trauma is what’s causing the situation. The thing is it doesn’t make the hurt less, and it’s unfair to tell them not to take it personal. When that is said we are then dismissing someone’s pain we care about because we might feel it’s not as deep as our own. That is a wrong position to take.
It is very important to avoid assumptions and accusations when you feel triggered. The cycle of hurt has to stop somewhere, and it can stop with you. Take the time to do the work to heal. We are often encouraged to seek healing and self-care, but what is often left out is how painful that process can be. Yes, it can be similar to physical rehab whereas after a major surgery you must rebuild your body and it is going to be painful from you feel stronger. Self-care and emotional healing can be similar, and it will cause you to enter a space whereby you are able to be completely honest and accountable about trauma, and your path to healing. It might be best to table confrontation until you are in a more balanced space where you can speak to a matter from the position of truth verse through the lens of trauma. You owe it to yourself and those you love not to inflict trauma when trying to work through trauma. It might be difficult, but you can do it.
Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James
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