(ThySistas.com) Children are a blessing that can motivate one to want better so that they can provide better for their children. This is the bare bones of the love of a parent. We want every good thing for the babies. Sometimes we might find that, prior to becoming a parent, life might have been a bit less motivating because if anything we went wrong the only one paying of it was self. Along with kids came a stubborn strength that is relentless in its pursuit of success. However great these things maybe it is very important to understand that your child is not an emotional crutch. They are children and creating a crutch out of them can lead to social issues as they develop into adults. There are things you are facing that your children can not help you overcome. They are not emotional support systems. If we are not careful, we can set ourselves up to expect more from our child than we should.
You might have heard a friend day “my child is my BFF”. Right now, your child is in more need of a parent than a best friend. There will be days you will give your child instructions and they won’t like it. You create their routine and see to their growth in the understanding of time value. The parent in you is making sure they have everything they need to strive in school. The parent in you is teaching them about boundaries, and respect. You understand what they need so you make them eat the vegetables and drink water, verses allowing them to indulge in junk food and sugary drinks. You are their parent first and foremost. This isn’t to say they’ll never be your friend…but you might have a long way to go before that happens.
Sometimes you might look up are realize you are not in the best place in your life. The only bright spot you might be able to see is your child. So, you take the position that life is worth living because of your child. You do everything you do for your child. If no one in the world understands you…your kid gets you. Though this might sound motivating, in the long run this could be toxic for the kid. The thing is…if you have a small child, they don’t get you per se, they love you because you are their mom. They don’t have the emotional capacity nor understanding of life to get you. This is creating an expectation subconsciously that your child won’t be able to maintain. Everything that you do can’t be for your child…it has to be for you. Your child reaps the benefit of you striving to obtain more and become more. However, you must initial want to do what’s needed for you. If you aren’t careful, you will find out very quick that your child is not enough.
One day that child is going to grow up wanting a life and identity of their own. It’s not their responsibility to be a keeper of your joy. You will find yourself jealous of them as they begin to have best friends, and significant others because momma has to be the center of everything for them…because she did everything for them. In this space what once felt like love begins to feel stifling. You’ll find fault with everyone close to them because no one is good enough for them. However, the truth is your child has been your emotional crutch for so many years you are afraid to let them live…for fear that you can’t live. Please take the time to look at self and see what healing needs to happen. Take the time to make self-care a reality in your life.
If there is pain from relationships past or present, please deal with this so that it doesn’t one day hurt your baby. You should want your child to see you loving life and living. They need to see the example of balance, love, and excellence in you so that they have an example to achieve this same thing. They need to see you be human. Yes, they need to know that you hurt, cry, feel pain, and have bad days. They need to see you so what’s necessary to heal and have better days. Part of giving your child the best…is giving them a you that is constantly growing. This can only happen when your child isn’t an emotional crutch…they are simply your kid.
Staff Writer; Adonicka Michele