(ThySistas.com) Very few of us would openly admit to being selfish. Its common thought that we are all selfish in some way, and in some areas, it is a necessity for success. However, we must realize that selfish behavior can kill our relationships with parents, sibling, friends, spouses and our kids. Being there for everyone is not the definition of selfless. Far to often we are able to make the argument as black women that we have everyone’s back, and we are always loyal. We hold down everyone even when they leave us hanging. We don’t feel we ask for too much…we just want what we give in return. Reciprocity is never a wrong thing to require. With that being said…why we do the things we do determine if we are selfish or selfless. Motive is indeed everything.
There are some sisters out there that are the embodiment of selfless. They are there for you simply because they love and care for you. They understand that reciprocity doesn’t always manifest itself in parallel manners, and communication is very important. No, these sisters are not perfect, but they give their community the best they have to offer and do so for the right reason. Some of us don’t love for the sake of loving we love to be loved and do to coerce others to love us. This is dangerous because if they don’t do exactly what we do then we don’t feel loved. This can morph into a very selfish agenda that can alienate those that desire to love you.
Insecurity can be seen as something that spawned selfish behavior. When we are not sure of ourselves, and don’t love ourselves, we can never be sure of others no matter what they do. Selfishness will show itself when everything is about you. Speaking and asking how one is doing becomes a formality to you getting to what’s going on with you.
Its very hard to see the selfishness, and the truth is you feel selfless in these interactions. This kind of behavior can communicate a lack of trust to those you love that they haven’t earned. They will find themselves constantly accused of not being there when they are doing the best they can. In these moment you don’t care about what they are facing in life, nor their family, you must understand that they need to be there for you…NOW.
Recognizing selfish behavior caused by insecurity, the fear of being alone, abuse and other catalysts is the beginning of working towards trying to be able to love in a selfless manner. As we grow we must always be willing to evaluate self. If too many different people tell you “it’s not just about you” consider why this is being said; don’t automatically assume they are wrong. Being there for the world doesn’t make us selfless…why we are these makes us selfless.
Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James
May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.