(ThySistas.com) If you’ve ever been in a relationship, you know that it has its peaks and valleys. There are ins and outs that you learn to navigate with your partner. You have to learn each other’s quirks and differences to co-exist, especially if you live together. However, there is an aspect that can be unavoidable and can tear you apart faster than cheating will. Family.
As the old adage goes, you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose family. Our relatives can either be a tremendous help to our relationship or a terrible boon. It really depends on the family, the family member, and their intentions. When we decide to enter into a relationship with someone, we are essentially welcoming them into our family as we create an immediate one. These introductions can be testy or smooth depending on the situation, but the one constant is that it has to be nurtured. I know that when I was dating, I always wanted my family to give the approval for my partner. I wanted them to accept my lover and friend as they did me. The funny thing is it never worked that way as there was always something wrong. Whether it was a clash of personality or difference in opinion, my significant other and family never seemed to mesh. Actually, it was more like my family was oil and my partner was water. I racked my brain for years trying to figure out why my partners never really blended into my family.
Sometimes family tends to place us in very difficult positions with our significant others. At times, it can seem like we are standing in the gap for both sides to keep the peace. It can especially be this way if your partner is from a different culture or holds a different belief system than your family does. Usually, it gets easier as they get to know each other. Tensions decrease and there is a slight cacophonous harmony to family gatherings. Both parties know there are just some subjects we do not broach to keep things kosher. However, you have the other scenario where even when you and your partner try to keep cool, your family has absolutely no chill. They knowingly or unknowingly press buttons that trigger raw emotions and have far-reaching consequences. These consequences tend to linger and bring feelings of resentment toward our loved ones.
Sometimes, there is no recourse available to remedy the damage that’s caused other than to love family from a distance. There is one thing you have to remember, you and your partner are a unit and must move and act as such. There can be no break with your partner on a united front as your family can undoubtedly see chinks in the armor to attack. I’m not saying that your family will intentionally ruin your relationship, but it can be a side effect of it if you don’t deal with it immediately. Together you both set boundaries about what will and will not be tolerated from them.
If they attempt to corner one or the other, it is best to put your foot down and mean what you say when to keep them from trying to backdoor you. You must demand the respect that you desire for them to give your relationship and the person you want to spend your life with. If your family is truly your family then they will understand and comply with your wishes to make your surroundings peaceful.
Staff Writer; Jessieca Carr
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