Motherhood: Decisions, Decisions.

The path to get to motherhood isn’t so cut and dry. Some women plan their pregnancies, while others are taken by surprise by the notification that they are expecting a child. When that happens, there are a myriad of choices that a woman must face. If they are involved with the father of the child, she may debate if the timing is right. If she’s a young and single woman, then there’s the decision to choose either adoption, abortion or single parenting.

Let’s look each decision.

With abortion, a woman decides that the timing isn’t right for parenting, she may see that bringing a child into the world would interfere with her education and career goals, so an abortion would be best for her.

When a woman chooses adoption, the thought processes are the same as the women who chooses adoption and single parenting, however she can’t see herself raising a child by herself, or maybe doesn’t have the proper support system to raise her child in a way that she sees fit. It could even be her family who feels that placing her baby (‘placing’ is the proper term for adoption, not ‘giving away’) would be better for the woman, rather than raising her child.

Single motherhood is the most common form of parenting, especially in the black community. A woman feels that she has the resources and support system to support her child, so she carries the baby to term and raises it after birth. She feels that her baby was a Godsend and parents her child through thick and thin.

What these women making difficult decisions regarding parenting have in common, is that they are at a crossroads in their life, and any decision she makes has life altering consequences.

The life of a woman who finds herself pregnant will never be the same as it was when she was a single woman who only had herself to care for. Now another life must be taken into consideration, in addition to her own. Her lifestyle must change. Her circle of friends sometimes change per her decision making and whether it conflicts with her friends’ values.

What sets those women who place their children and those who abort their child from single mothers is the grief involved.

Women who choose abortion grieve the death of their child (or the fetus), and those who choose adoption grieve the loss of the bond with their newborn. Adoption comes in the forms of:

1. Closed adoption, where there is no contact after placement,

2. Semi-open adoption, where the woman can receive pictures and yearly updates on the status of the child,

and

3. Open adoption, where the mother stays in the child’s life for the duration of the child’s adoption in the form of visits, photos and phone calls.

There’s lots of flexibility with adoption, but it depends on the adoptive parents as to whether they will upkeep their end of the agreement. Some open adoptions close completely without the mother being aware why she can’t contact her child again.

All in all, women have decisions to make when it comes to motherhood. Regardless as to whether someone is calling them Mom, they are mothers. Mothers who made selfless decisions for their life path, as well as their child.