(ThySistas.com) Recently I saw a young lady in the store. I knew she was disabled and in great pain. So was I. I had been going through a lot with my health challenges. Auto-immune diseases are never the same, and no day is the same. I’ve lost a lot of family members, had my heart shattered many times, and for the most part I navigate life alone. There are days I question the worth of my life, and others where I can still see purpose clearly. As I looked at the young lady in the store I thought about a recent conversation regarding hardship. A neighbor was explaining to me that no one person has it harder than another. Everyone’s hardship is the worst for them, and we ought not look at others and allow their hardships to invalidate our pain. They were very stanch about this position though I was not sure I agreed. I had been thinking about this for weeks as I had flare ups, emergency room visits, and deaths in the family. Just as I was prepared to agree I saw the young lady in the store struggling to pick up an item she dropped. I decided to help her, and chat with her. As we talked and grocery shopped her life story almost had me in tears. The empathy I felt caused gratitude, and it saved me as I was spiraling internally. What I was hearing was far worse than what I was living. I realized it was okay to acknowledge this, and doing so did not invalidate me.
I disagree with my neighbor, and I feel it’s one of the reasons why we are having trouble caring for each other. Everyone will have challenges, and those hardships are priority because they are happening to you. They hit harder because they are personal, and in your face. However, there are people in this world who are experiencing hardships so catastrophic that they would trade places with you in a heartbeat. Likewise, there are situations that you face that are so daunting that you wouldn’t mind trading places with someone else. The thing is, it’s okay to acknowledge how hard a road is for someone else, and it’s okay to realize they may be fighting more than you can carry. It doesn’t make your hardships less than, but it might save your perspective and life. You may look at them and find the inspiration to keep going, because if they can so can you. This is a part of the human experience. When we can see past ourselves, we can walk in true empathy. When we can truly see past ourselves, we can then give those we care about the support we demand. It is important in emotional intelligence to be able to acknowledge that in most cases a scrap on the knee is not the same as a gunshot wound. This may sound cray, but some are being taught their scraped knee that needs antiseptic and a Band-Aid is on par with a gunshot wound. How is empathy born from that? It’s not.
Some of our relationships are tanking because this is how we treat each other. If one has no experience in a situation they feel they don’t have to have to show even proper sympathy…until it happens to them and they demand what they refuse to give. We see it in grief all the time. Someone is broken from losing a parent that was their favorite person tragically, and a friend throws in their face well I lost a cousin…while telling that same person they are having dinner with their parents. Both are grieving…however, one is going to dinner with parents while the other feels like a part of their DNA just left the earth. In this scenario, all grief can be acknowledged…and the friend with both parents could be more caring instead of trying to one up. There is a difference between trying to connect as in I may not know parental loss, but I know loss and I’m here for you, verses my loss is greater than yours because it’s my life. We can acknowledge our own challenges and know they are valid, while being grateful it is not worse because clearly, we see worse exists.
Though my health challenges are severe I saw worse. I am grateful for the conversation in the grocery store. That sister encouraged me and showed me I can keep going. She had a smile I will never forget, and even in her situation she was so positive and full of life. She will never know how much she blessed me, because I saw someone going through more and they were shining.
Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James
May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.