(ThySistas.com) Sisterhood and mentorship are vital for Black women when we begin to discuss culture, and what informs us. We need and deserve to have trusted spaces that are judgement free, corrective when needed, loving, full of wisdom, affirm us, and look like us. The truth is many of us are looking for our sister circle that contains someone older than us, someone that is a peer, someone who feels like a twin, and someone who mentors us. They are encouraging us and helping to shape our growth as we evolve. Sometimes we find more than one quality in a sistah…but it is also okay when we have that circle as it gives us multiple perspectives. In a time whereby Black women are winning in some areas and still fighting in others… we need each other. How your sistah circle is assembled is important. Honesty and loyalty are absolutely mandatory for one to feel open, free and safe enough to be themselves and speak about their challenges without hesitation. There is a focus that needs to be placed on the sistah wearing the title of mentor. This is the sister who provides more than just wisdom; she is one who helps us chart the course we are on across various areas of our life.
The mentor knows your spiritual goals, life goals, and career goals. Sometimes this person assists as mentor to all those areas, and of course it could be individuals for each area. She is who we go to for direction, and for knowledge of how to move ourselves from one point in our journey to the next. She knows our strengths and weaknesses and helps us grow in strength and diminish weaknesses. There is confidence that must be kept because often times you are an open book to your mentor. It is imperative that this Sistah does not envy you, is not jealous of you, does not see you as a threat, and does not diminish you. And in like fashion you should not have a mentor you are envious of, jealous of, or see as a threat. Trust is important because at some point this person will know you enough to do as much harm as she does good towards you.
Far too often when we find a sistah that can actually mentor us and can understand who we are there is an excitement and an ease that comes over us. We feel that we are not alone as we push forward towards our goal. There is a camaraderie amongst sistahs, and we not only trust our mentor, but we will stand with them and defend them fiercely. This is a beautiful relationship amongst Black women and has gotten many of us through degree programs, through loss & trauma, and helped us situate self in our spiritual walk.
It is important that we choose our mentor wisely. For as influential and positive as this relationship can be…it can be equally, if not more, destructive. If you find yourself in a situation whereby you mentor sistah is experiencing trauma it is natural to want to stand by her side and be there for her. However, if she begins to lash out causing you to bare the brunt of her anger and hurt you might need to step back. If you find that in the pain and abuse she is enduring envy seeps in, it is important to notice this and re-evaluate the nature of the relationship. You would know something is off if she once kept you mindful of your goals, and now she advises in a way that will stagnate you or set you back. You may experience micro-aggression as things are said to you that make you feel inferior while she appears to be empowered. There can also be gaslighting and more belittling under the guise of corrective criticism and wisdom. In worse cases, especially where academia and spiritual matter are involved, you may be led to view yourself as less and even subservient to the mentor. These are just a few warning signs that you need to remove yourself.
No mentor relationship is perfect as we are all human. However, you must choose this person wisely knowing that they will not harm you when they face their worst. You must want to see each other win. It’s easy to say, but too many Sistahs are in dangerous competition with each other for various reasons. Regardless of the reason, it harms the women involved, the women that witness, and the next generation coming. Be mindful of how all parts of your sistah circle is assembled and be sure you are not the toxic in the circle either. We must mentor and walk with each other in love and support. When one of us rises all of us rise.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.