(ThySistas.com) There has been sister circle fighting yet again. It seems that extreme social and political situations destroy the fabric of friendships as we don’t always know what’s woven into our situation. Too many of us had sister circles outside of our ethic community. In a perfect world this is beautiful and the exchange of culture and experience makes all of us richer and stronger. It allows children to grow up in spaces where there is true diversity and empathy, but the reality is this doesn’t exist yet in the manner we need. The elections left Black women looking at other groups of women with betrayal and hurt in their eyes. Yes, most of us appear unbothered, and unfazed. We have decided we are into protesting, we are not coming to any one’s rescue but that our own. This is a strong public stance, but behind close doors many of us are having to take on the heartbreaking task of re-evaluating our circle and even our family.
Yes, some of us are looking at the Black women in that 8% like how could you betray yourself and us in that voting booth…we are fighting for an understanding that is lost on us. Some of us have family member that are not black by marriage and the political positions have turned the family into a battleground. There are those of us that have had friends of other races since childhood, and now we are looking at them for the first time like they are not only strangers…but enemies. This is one of the hardest kinds of re-evaluations to undergo because thought here is a lot of progress in the country we live in, we are being reminded of how much progress has not taken place.
If you find yourself having to access the people in your life you might want to begin by allowing you to have a moment and feel the emotions that are manifesting in you. If you feel hurt, betrayal , misunderstanding, like you are about to grieve loss…allow yourself to acknowledge these feelings. Black women are strong, but our feelings are not bulletproof. We have a right to feel as though others voted against their best interested to spite us. You have every right to stop and take the time you need to sit with how you are feeling, and do not allow anyone to tell you otherwise…especially not a person from another group. If you can sit with other sisters, elders, and brothers in community that can show you care and empathy…as they understand. Allow your village that is supportive to be a safe space. When you are ready….then deal with the state of the relationships that are in shambles.
Family is usually a very sensitive and difficult space to navigate during these times. You may find yourself being the safe space for family that have married other races that took a political stance that would harm the Black family they not have….that would harm their spouse and children. Sometimes all you can do is help keep what little peace is available. Basically this means keeping family out of jail and altercations. This may be easier than looking the Black family member in the face that sided with their spouse against their very Black selves, family and children. When it’s your sibling, parent, or child that can cut deep and strain relationships beyond words. Even in these situations we must summon the strength to evaluate the relationships in front of us. We’ll always love family, but for a season they may have to be loved from a distance. No one suffers more than the children in these family fall outs. However, we must prioritize peace, healing and principle.
Relationships are ending as in romantic connections because you simply do not feel safe. The elections has people evaluating if they could in good faith be with a person that would not prioritize their safety. Some Black women found themselves questioning their partners of a different race. As the arguments ensued hearts were breaking. There are those sisters that wanted to understand…they wanted to believe the person they were with were not racists, sexists, or disregarding of their plight as a Black person in America, and as a Black woman in America. Unfortunately, some were forced to walk away because there couldn’t stay in good faith. They could not sleep next to someone that would not stand with them.
There are lifelong friendships that died this past November. Looking back some of us saw red flags we missed due to close proximity or just that the relationship had been with us since youth. Either way we are all adults now and we see that there are some we have loved deeply that no longer have a place in our circle because their presence is both toxic and inherently dangerous. This is the reality check that childhood friendships did not survive societal ills. This year for the sake of peace and safety we will have to re-evaluate the nature of various relationships.
Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James
May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.