(ThySistas.com) Being single has its perks, but many of us see it as a season on our way to a healthy relationship. There is absolutely nothing wrong with acknowledging one is tired of being single, and ready to start actively dating. With that being said, it is wise to be realistic, and careful. Sound relationships are not built overnight, and they cannot be based in fear. Why mention fear? The fear of growing old alone or getting to old to raise a family causes too many of us to plunge into relationships of convenience, and when they blow up we are hurt, angry, trust in our judgement is chipped away…and it’s his fault. Sometimes fear causes us to seek out relationships before we are done getting ourselves together in a manner by which we can be a productive participant in the relationship. These factors will scare some men away, cause others to take advantage, or we can hurt guys that liked us.
It is very important to know what dating is verses a relationship, and have your own boundaries regarding such. Dating is getting to know someone through communication and a series of outing we call dates. During this time, there is no commitment; you or the man involved could be dating more than one person as this is a vetting
Okay, so you went to lunch or dinner a few times…that does not constitute a relationship. If you make the decision to be physical with this person…that doesn’t mean they will see you as a girlfriend. It will more than likely be viewed as casual sex, so you would need to understand the situation before doing something that will not carry the weight you believe it should. This is very important because too many of us feel we were burned by a guy that was not in a relationship with us. Know your boundaries and stick to them…slow down.
Allow yourself the opportunity to see this person for who he is, and how he interacts with you. When we go from date one to relationship in our mind we are not paying attention to him. It’s not ok to expect him to call and text you all day because though you are getting to know him this is a beginning stage…not a relationship. As women, some of us make the mistake of giving too much too soon. We treat a man we just met like one we’ve been dating for several months, we treat Mr. Several months like a boyfriend in a full-blown relationship, Mr. Boyfriend is treated like a fiancé and sometimes a husband. Ladies, this is dangerous. With that logic, we don’t get to know the man…we are simply placing him where we want to void filled in our life; this is the makings of a miserable relationship if it gets that far.
We want to make sure we are complete and whole within ourselves before pursuing a relationship. They are beautiful, but require work from both parties. It is okay to take your time and get to know a man so you’d have a better chance of seeing if the brother is for you or not. This saves feelings, and you won’t waste your time. Ladies, it’s hard to swallow but sometimes the misunderstanding with a man is us, because we entered the situation with wedding bells on our mind. Unless the man was going to do exactly what we want the way we see it happening he never stood a chance.
Being real with oneself helps us to know where we are, what we need to work on and it makes us a better life partner. Trust, and believe, these same words apply to some men out there too. However, today we are trying to save sisters the unnecessary heartache that comes with moving entirely too fast. We can’t allow ourselves to be so fearful of anything that we would shortchange ourselves. Slow down, it could save your heart, finances, and in some instances your life.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr