But sis, let me say this gently and with love: perimenopause is real, but it is not everything.

Somewhere along the way, it became the go‑to explanation for every ache, every mood shift, every moment of fatigue, every strange sensation we can’t immediately identify. And listen — perimenopause can absolutely cause a wide range of symptoms. Hot flashes, sleep changes, mood swings, irregular cycles, brain fog, joint pain, weight fluctuations — the list is long. But it’s not the root of every single thing our bodies experience. When we start blaming perimenopause for everything, we risk missing the bigger picture. And our health, our longevity, our quality of life are far too important for that.

Part of why this happens is because Black women have had to become our own health detectives. We’ve been dismissed, misdiagnosed, or ignored in medical settings for generations. We’ve learned to self‑diagnose out of survival. We’ve learned to piece together our own answers because the system hasn’t always given us the care, respect, or attention we deserve. So when we finally find a label that seems to fit, it’s tempting to hold onto it tightly. It feels validating. It feels like we finally have language for what we’re going through. It feels like control in a world that often tries to take that from us.

But perimenopause shouldn’t become the default explanation for every shift in our bodies. Not because it isn’t real — it absolutely is — but because our bodies are complex, layered, and constantly communicating with us. If we chalk everything up to hormones, we might overlook signs of something more serious. High blood pressure. Thyroid issues. Autoimmune conditions. Nutrient deficiencies. Chronic stress. Depression. Heart disease. Diabetes. These are real concerns in our community, and they deserve attention, not dismissal.

And let’s be real with each other: sometimes the issue isn’t medical at all. Sometimes it’s lifestyle. Sometimes it’s boundaries we haven’t set. Sometimes it’s rest we haven’t taken. Sometimes it’s emotional weight we’ve been carrying for years. Sometimes it’s habits we know aren’t serving us. Perimenopause didn’t cause all of that — life did. And acknowledging that isn’t shameful. It’s empowering. It means we still have agency. It means we still have choices. It means we can still take accountability for our well‑being without beating ourselves up.

What we don’t want is to use perimenopause as a shield that keeps us from taking responsibility for our health. Not in a harsh, judgmental way — but in a loving, grown‑woman, “I deserve better” way. Because we do deserve better. We deserve to know what’s happening in our bodies. We deserve to ask questions. We deserve to get checked out when something feels off. We deserve to advocate for ourselves without minimizing our symptoms or oversimplifying them.

And we deserve to honor the truth: perimenopause is a chapter, not the whole book.

This season can be confusing, yes. It can be uncomfortable, yes. But it can also be a wake‑up call — a moment to tune in, slow down, and reconnect with ourselves. It can be a reminder that our bodies are evolving, not breaking. That we are entering a new phase of wisdom, power, and self‑awareness. That we are allowed to change. That we are allowed to grow. That we are allowed to take up space in our own health journey.

So, sis, here’s the gentle reminder: listen to your body with curiosity, not assumptions. Don’t ignore symptoms, but don’t rush to label everything as perimenopause either. If something feels persistent, new, or concerning, talk to a qualified healthcare professional who will take you seriously. You deserve that level of care. You deserve answers rooted in truth, not guesswork. You deserve to feel safe in your own body.

And while you’re navigating this season, give yourself grace. Give yourself softness. Give yourself room to grow into this next version of you. Perimenopause is not the end of anything — it’s the beginning of a deeper relationship with your body, your health, and your power.

You are not falling apart. You are transforming. You are stepping into a wiser, more grounded version of yourself. And you’re doing it with the strength, beauty, and brilliance that Black women have always carried. You’ve got this, sis — and you’re not walking through it alone.

Today we live in a society that pushes the validation of one’s feelings about fact and truth. In this space perception is reality, and that’s all that matters. I doesn’t matter of a person really hurts you, that matters is you feel hurt so they need to acknowledge such. The problem with this is it can in turn injury the other party. Yes, if you actually commit hurt you need not tell your significant other you didn’t. However, if you didn’t offend them, and can even prove such, it is very important that you respectful stand in truth. No one should walk around accepting ridicule when they’ve done nothing wrong.

The opposite position states my feelings are indeed my reality, so my partner should respect my truth, and apologize. Your truth is personal to you, and it doesn’t have to line up to any accuracy because it belongs to you. That doesn’t mean that, outside of you, it will stand. It’s very important to have an open line of communication, especially where misunderstanding is concerned, so one truly knows when they are being hurt.

If your partner doesn’t do thing exactly the way you want it, and you use “hurt” to get them to do as you please…you might be giving the hurt you claim you’ve received. Furthermore, this concept is dangerous in the hands of a narcissist. A narcissist will manipulate you into believing you hurt them, and you can’t tell them you did not, when I’m fact they are hurting you. They are the masters of twisting a situation by with they are inflicting harm to they are the victim. In that sense you would need to take a stand, and confront the fact that you are not hurting them regardless of their persuasion otherwise.

No one deserves to be hurt, and disregarded, in a relationship. Yet, no one deserves to be falsely accused and forced to apologize because the feelings of one person is more important that what’s actually taking place in a situation. Furthermore, no one should feel communicating respectfully, but truthfully, for fear of being told they are hurtful. In this space any relationship is in danger. If you committed hurt by all means humble yourself and try to make it right. However, if you didn’t please don’t sit back and become a scapegoat for someone’s feelings. Just as they would deserve better so do you.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.

The problem lies with those that would dare use anxiety as a method to harm others. It is despicable to use a real illness as a way to inflict verbal, and even physical damage on others. its’s not a tool for manipulation so that you may always have your way, and woe is it unto those that stand up to tell you that the behavior is wrong. Sisters that use anxiety for these purposes make it hard for those that are actually battling with the illness. Every anxiety attack doesn’t cause you to throw objects at someone, and every trigger is not someone not doing what you want them to do the way you want it done. This behavior is abusive, and in some cases narcissistic.

Some people that have loved ones with anxiety disorder research the illness and go to appointments with them, so they can better understand how to be supportive. If they are taking the time to learn…they may be able to discern real from fake. It is unfortunate when someone with deep anxiety calls out someone for not being genuine in their claim. Don’t use a known illness to deceive and harm others.

Lastly, there are those of us (myself included), that truly suffer from anxiety disorder that have to try to care about our support system. It may be hard, but you know you lashed out during an anxiety attack and hurt someone that love you and was just trying to help…apologize. Its’s not their fault you are battling with anxiety disorder just like it’s not your fault. However, they love you regardless of the disorder. Just because they understand doesn’t mean being the ill placed object of your anger won’t hurt. They may take the abuse because they know you are hurting, and battling with a disorder, but it’s okay to care about their feelings. It is a known fact that the people closest to you will often bare the brunt of your frustration with said disorder. Spouses, children, friends and family usually end up taking the heat. The don’t do so because you are a burden…they are with you because they love you. Don’t forget to love them back.

I had to learn how hurtful my words could be during an anxiety attack depending on the trigger. I realized my best friend who, as an only child, was the only sister I ever had was sinking into depression in part because I berated her so often when dealing with my anxiety. I was pushing away the one person I knew loved me that I could truth. Though I acknowledge my anxiety disorder she didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I had to realize its not all about me, and that I’m not the only person in life going thorough pain. I’ve learned how to better manage my condition, and I take the time to appreciate my sister. I actively love on her, and uplift her…regardless of how I’m feeling. I will never forget that as she was experiencing loss…I wasn’t there for her because all I could see was my anxiety. She never left me alone, and I won’t allow her to alone ever again as long as I’m here.

One way to manage anxiety is trying to get out of your own head. Putting your focus on the people around you, and the positive energy they are pouring into you may actually help you deal with the disorder.

Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James

May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.

We all know that the dignity of a man is an intricate part of who he is, and if we truly understand our man we must know how far we can go with our council. Sometimes, depending on what he is facing, we must allow him to process his situation on his own terms. Let’s be honest as women we are not always the best at this. We often want our spouse to feel better immediately, or we want him to talk about it as soon as possible because that’s what we would do. There are times it’s not even about him, but it makes us feel bad to see him going through hardship, and we want to be relieved of that feeling so we push.

Wanting to see our King happy is positive, but we can’t expect him to behave as we would. Changing a man should never be the goal; we should love him for the man he is…and can be. Sometimes the best support we can give will come through the avenue of prayer and/or meditation. There are times we must direct out strong positive energy towards our husband to help assist his issue resolve and peace. Even though he may be quiet he is very aware of your presence.

Mothers try to fix everything; wives support through everything. If your husband doesn’t talk as much as you would like this is the wrong time to press and cause a fight. When things such as: loss, betrayal, self-doubt, and spiritual conflict occur we cannot fix it. We want our man to know we love, support and lift him up. Let him come to you when he is ready to talk. Don’t make it about you as though he’s mad at you or shutting you out…especially when he tells you he is conflicted and just need some time to get his head together. In this area lets avoid being selfish realizing our men have feelings that need to be respected. This is in no way saying abandon your man when he needs you most.

This is a reminder that we are powerful, but there are limits to our reach even as wives. There are times when time, and meditation must be allowed to work out a matter. In these times we must trust the heart of our spouse, and his strength as a man. You never want to send the message that you don’t believe in his ability to stand through adversity…this is counterproductive to peace. The fact that we cannot fix everything is quite okay.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.

Feelings without reason nor understanding can lead to hypocrisy, failed relationships of all sorts, and a false sense of what is and is not right. Personal experience is steeped in feelings, and if not careful how you feel based on your experience can cause the wrongful judgment of others. How many times have we stated “that’s just how I feel” when trying to argue a position? Think about it. Some of us have cursed all men or women to hell because of how we feel. Some have been abused and exposed to toxic behavior because of the way we feel. Sometimes we aren’t able to absorb information that would allow us to make an informed decision, or position, because feelings get in the way. If one isn’t careful feelings will become the lie that one uses to justify why they have behaved in an unfavorable manner. So, you felt disrespected in a space by which you were uninformed and initially disrespectful; when the truth was told it didn’t defend you so it had to be wrong. No, in that moment you were wrong…regardless of your feelings.

How you feel is not a pass to mistreat others. Please take a moment to stop, and re-read that statement. Having a bad day, not feeling well, dealing with past hurt, annoyed with the direction of your life, upset with another, upset with God…regardless of what is wrong, none of these things gives one the right to mistreat another. Emotional intelligence is a very important skill to work on in one’s own personal life, not just at work. There is nothing wrong with getting help to manage feelings and emotions so that you are a more balanced person. The people in your life that love you will appreciate you for taking the time to heal so that you are better for yourself and others.

Feelings can also enforce anti-intellectual positions in various spaces such as places of worship and activism. Age doesn’t always make you right…regardless of your feeling on the matter. Years and feelings are not replacements for objective diverse study of a matter. If you want to argue with someone about religious beliefs you can’t just go on how you feel. You’d need to be able to logically, and rationally back up your position. You can’t expect someone to concede to your position regarding politics or race relations simply because you were alive, and an age of understanding, when Dr. King was alive. You must the time to study, research, and be humble and open enough to hear from others that are doing the work and can add to the discussion. We are never to old to learn more. Titles don’t mean we know it all…even though we might feel like as though we do.

I remember my dad instructing: “get out of your feelings and look at the situation truthfully even if you don’t like it…your dislike doesn’t change the truth”. This is wisdom that I share often. You have a right to your feelings, but your feelings don’t change the truth. Your hurt, anger, embarrassment, fear, or concern doesn’t change the matter. It is important to sees matters and people aside from your feelings. Hear what is said on a matter without hearing it through the filter of your feelings. Read about what is happening in the world around you from an objective perspective. This doesn’t erase your feelings, but it does give you a better chance of being fair with yourself, and others.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not here to tell anybody to “be strong” in that tired, dismissive way the world loves to throw at Black women. We’ve carried enough. We’ve swallowed enough. We’ve been told to “calm down,” “relax,” “stop being emotional,” and “be the bigger person” more times than we can count. That’s not what this is about. What I’m talking about is something deeper — something rooted in self‑respect, self‑protection, and self‑awareness.

Because the truth is, we feel deeply. We love deeply. We hurt deeply. And sometimes those emotions rise up so fast and so strong that they try to take the wheel before we’ve even had a chance to breathe. But just because a feeling shows up loud doesn’t mean it deserves the microphone. Giving those feelings the microphone can kill relationships and even land us in the hospital or jail.

One of the most powerful things we can do for ourselves is to learn how to sit with a feeling before we act on it. Not suppress it, pretend it’s not there, nor shame ourselves for having it. Just sit with it. Let it breathe. Let it explain itself. Let it pass through without letting it drag us into decisions we’ll regret later.

Because knee‑jerk reactions? Whew. They feel good in the moment, but they can cost us more than we realize. A job opportunity. A relationship, friendship, peace, reputation…our credibility. And sometimes, the hardest pill to swallow is that even when we’re right, even when the facts are on our side, the way we respond can overshadow the truth we’re trying to stand on.

I’ve learned, especially in my 40s, that being in control of my emotional state doesn’t make me weak… it makes me powerful. It allows me to speak firmly without yelling. It allows me to set boundaries without burning bridges. It allows me to make decisions that are consistent, not chaotic. It keeps me from being tossed around by every irritation, every misunderstanding, every moment of disrespect.

And let’s be honest: some situations really do require us to pause. To breathe, process, and cry if we need to. To journal, pray, and call a sister‑friend who won’t hype us into foolishness but will remind us who we are. That pause is not weakness. That pause is wisdom. That pause is protection.

We can’t tell young women not to fight in the street if we’re still fighting in the boardroom, the group chat, or the family text thread. We can’t tell them to “use their words” when our own words are cutting, impulsive, or fueled by unprocessed hurt. Growth requires consistency. Accountability. And sometimes, humility.

And let me say this plainly: controlling your verbal response is one of the hardest parts of emotional maturity. Especially when you know you’re right. Especially when someone has disrespected you. Especially when you feel misunderstood or dismissed. But sometimes the most expensive thing in the room is the sentence you’re about to say. Sometimes silence is the strategy. Sometimes restraint is the win. Sometimes walking away is the real flex.

This doesn’t mean we let people walk over us. It doesn’t mean we shrink. It doesn’t mean we stop advocating for ourselves. It means we choose our battles with intention. It means we respond from clarity, not chaos. It means we protect our peace like it’s an asset — because it is.

As Black women, we are often expected to be emotional caretakers for everyone around us — partners, children, coworkers, siblings, parents, entire communities. But part of our personal growth is learning that we don’t have to absorb everything. We don’t have to react to everything. We don’t have to carry everything. We get to choose how we show up.

And when we choose to lead with emotional discipline — not suppression, not denial, but discipline — we become more stable, more grounded, and less prone to drama that drains us. We become women who can be trusted with responsibility, leadership, and influence. We become examples for the younger women watching us, whether they’re our daughters, nieces, mentees, or the girls in our neighborhoods who see more than we think.

Putting our emotions in their proper place isn’t about silencing ourselves. It’s about strengthening ourselves. It’s about honoring our feelings without letting them sabotage our future. It’s about becoming the kind of woman who can feel deeply and still choose wisely.

And that, sistahs is real growth.

Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James

May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.

When I talk to women in our community, I hear the same quiet confession over and over… “I know what I need to do, I just cannot seem to stay consistent.” And I always tell them, you are not broken, you are not lazy, you are not lost. You are simply human, carrying a load that was never meant to be carried alone. Discipline is not a personality trait; it is a practice. It grows with you, not ahead of you.

Sometimes discipline slips because life has been loud. You may have been in survival mode for so long that structure feels foreign. You could have been pouring into everybody else and forgot what it feels like to pour into yourself. Maybe you are healing, grieving, rebuilding, or just trying to catch your breath. Whatever your story is, you deserve compassion while you find your rhythm again.

One thing I have learned in my short existence is that discipline becomes sustainable when it is rooted in honesty. Not the polished honesty we give the world, but the quiet truth we whisper to ourselves. The truth that says, I am tired and I need help. It says, I want better for myself but I am scared I will fall off again. When you start from that place, you are no longer forcing discipline, you are nurturing it.

Start small. I know that sounds cliché, but it is real. We love a big transformation story, but the truth is that sustainable discipline grows from tiny choices repeated over time. Five minutes of stretching in the morning. Drinking water before your coffee. Cleaning one corner of your home instead of the whole room. Reading two pages instead of a whole chapter. These little moments build trust. They remind your body and your spirit that you can follow through.

Do not underestimate the power of environment. Discipline is not just about willpower; it is about designing a life that supports the woman you are becoming. That might mean putting your phone in another room at night, keeping your journal on your pillow, setting out your vitamins where you can see them, or choosing friends who speak life into your goals. You do not have to fight yourself every day. You can set yourself up to win.

Another thing we do as Black women is try to discipline ourselves through shame. We talk to ourselves in ways we would never talk to a friend. We say things like, “I should be further along,” or “I always mess up,” or “I am so inconsistent.” But shame does not create discipline, it creates avoidance. You cannot bully yourself into a better life. You have to encourage yourself into one. You have to speak to yourself with the same softness you give everybody else.

And let me say this gently… discipline is not punishment. It is not a rigid schedule that squeezes the joy out of your days. Nor is it a constant grind that leaves you exhausted. Discipline is a form of care. It is a way of saying, I matter enough to create a life that supports me. It is a way of honoring your future self, the woman you are becoming, the woman you deserve to be.

You will experience days when you fall off. There will be mornings when you oversleep, evenings when you skip the gym, weeks when your routine unravels. That does not mean you failed. It means you are alive. Sustainable discipline is not about perfection; it is about returning. Returning to your intentions, your practices, and to yourself. Every time you come back, you strengthen the muscle.

Also do not forget community. We were never meant to do life alone. Sometimes discipline grows best when you have people around you who hold you accountable with love. A friend who checks in on your goals. A group chat where you celebrate small wins. A sister circle where you can be honest about your struggles without judgment. Community makes discipline feel less like a burden and more like a shared journey.

So if you are trying to re‑establish discipline, or build it for the first time, give yourself grace. You are not starting from nothing; you are starting from life experience. You are wiser now, and you know yourself better. You know what drains you and what feeds you. You know what you want your life to feel like. Let that guide you.

Discipline is not about becoming a new woman, it is about supporting the woman you already are. And she is worthy of consistency, care, and commitment. She is worthy of routines that nourish her. She is worthy of a life that feels steady. She is worthy of showing up for herself again and again. You are capable of this, ready for this, and you deserve discipline that will move forward with you.

Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James

May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.

Some of us grew up in homes where love was complicated, survival came before self-discovery, our voices were silenced before we even learned how to use them. Those early wounds can shape the way we move through the world, making us doubt our worth, our abilities, and our right to want more. Others of us made decisions we regret—choices born out of fear, pressure, or simply not knowing any better at the time. In this ignorance is never bliss, and consequence can fall upon us regardless of what we know impacting our life path.  And then there are those who faced illness, trauma, or life-altering setbacks that forced everything to pause. When your body or mind betrays you, it can feel like the whole world is moving forward without you. You often wonder if you will ever be able to catch up to life, and the longer you are ill the more discouraged you become.

And then one day, you look up and realize you’ve been living a life that doesn’t feel like yours. Maybe you’ve been letting other people steer your story—family, partners, employers, society. Maybe you’ve been shrinking yourself to keep the peace or dimming your light so others won’t feel uncomfortable. You’ve been so busy being dependable that you forgot what it feels like to be fulfilled.

Here’s the truth that matters most: it is never too late to start over. Not at 35, not at 45, not at 55, not at 65. Never. Black women have a long, powerful history of blooming on their own timeline. Some of the most influential, creative, and impactful women in our culture didn’t find their stride until later in life. They didn’t let age, circumstance, or past mistakes stop them. They didn’t let the world’s expectations define their future. They simply decided to begin. And that decision changed everything.

You deserve that same chance.

Starting over doesn’t require perfection. It doesn’t require a clean slate or a flawless past. It doesn’t require approval from anyone. It only requires willingness. A quiet, steady willingness to choose yourself. To choose your joy. To choose your purpose. To choose the dream that’s been tugging at your heart for years.

And yes, it might be hard. Growth often is. You may have to unlearn old patterns, set boundaries you’ve never set before, or walk away from people who benefited from your silence. You may have to rebuild your confidence piece by piece. You will have to face the parts of your story that still sting. But you can do it. You’ve already survived things that would have broken someone else.

What you’re reaching for now isn’t just a dream…it’s a reclamation. It’s you taking back your narrative. It’s you deciding that your life still has chapters left to write. It’s you choosing to live with intention instead of obligation.

The beauty of it all is that your journey won’t just transform you. One day, another Black woman—maybe younger, maybe older, maybe standing at her own crossroads—will see your courage and feel something awaken in her. She’ll see you starting over, choosing joy, pursuing purpose, and she’ll think, “If she can do it, maybe I can too.” Your decision to rise could be the spark that lights someone else’s path. That’s legacy. Not just what you leave behind, but what you inspire while you’re still here.

Don’t talk yourself out of the dreams that keep tapping on your spirit. Don’t let fear convince you that your time has passed. Don’t let anyone—family, friends, partners, coworkers—tell you that you’re reaching too high or wanting too much. They don’t get to decide what’s possible for you. You are allowed to reinvent yourself. You are allowed to dream again. You are allowed to choose a life that feels meaningful, joyful, and aligned with who you truly are. And you are allowed to begin today.

Your story isn’t over. It’s unfolding. And this next chapter might just be the one that finally feels like home.

Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James

May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.

Far to often we do not realize the gravity of this mistake until what we could do for self is threatened or no longer an option. Reality hits us when we can’t move…when those we love leave us here, and when we become faced with out own mortality. All of a sudden, the “maybe another time” box comes to the forefront of our mind. We realize we are not living…we’re just here. We’re just here moving from one day to the next until we are no more. No matter what is happening sometimes you must stop and tell yourself…don’t forget to live.

I have lived with debilitating health conditions for the majority of my adult life. I decided I never wanted to marry because I felt it was wrong to burden someone else with my health challenges, and I knew having children was not an option. I would find ways to try to justify my existence by giving all I could to those I loved. I tried to show up to everything that my body would allow. However, I never allowed myself to think about the things I wanted…places I wanted to see and things I would like to accomplish. The only thing I never gave up was writing…but even that became more of a necessity than the joy it had always been. Before my last aunt passed away, she asked me a very profound question, “Chelle do you want up with the intention of living, or dying”? At the time I couldn’t really process what she was asking, and once she passed the time for asking for clarity was gone. I continued in the way I had been…active in my family, my neighborhood, my church, just making my body move past its limits like this was my penance. If I am limited by illness this is the least I can do to justify my being alive. You see, I never understood my existence was enough. I deserved a chance at happiness because I was alive. I didn’t understand that I had a right to truly live as much as possible.

Those dear to me tried to help me live some, tried to introduce me to different things but I didn’t feel I deserved it so I blew it off. Well, just when I thought life couldn’t get any more challenging it did. My body started shutting down. I was admitted to the hospital and for the first time in a long time I thought I was on my way to the other side. As I laid in the hospital bed, I remembered my aunt’s question. I understood in that moment that I was not living with the intention…I was just existing and waiting to die. I was moving through life like I just didn’t want anyone to come to my funeral and say she never worked, never tried, and never helped. What was missing was I didn’t realize…she had not lived. Here I was laying in the hospital bed, and I had not seen anything outside of my city, I had not written the books I wanted to, I had not played the video games on my list, and there were many different foods I wanted to taste. More importantly, I wanted to taste life. Even if I had to have an abridged version due to my health, I needed to do more than just exist. I promised myself if I made through this health scare I would life with intention, and I would take care of myself…my whole being.

Life is difficult, and being a Black woman adds to the challenges. However, take the time to live. Move the ideas and dreams from your “maybe later box” and move them to a vision board. Live with intention, not just for others, but also for you. When it’s over you deserve to say, I have no regrets. Only you can make that a reality, and your every existence is deserving of such. No matter what is going on…do not forget to Live.

Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James

May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.

Nothing is more upsetting than realizing there is an issue, you decide to seek help, and the mental healthcare professional is horrible to you. Negative experiences can lead you to feel the outcome of mental health care is not in your favor. Yes, you have a diagnosis, but you don’t trust the provider to prescribe treatment that involves medication.  You don’t know what the overall lasting effects will be if you are medicated; you also wonder how it will affect your interaction with the ones you love. There is nothing wrong with any of us seeking mental healthcare and choosing to medicate according to one’s diagnosis from a healthcare professional. We are about to look at navigating mental health unmedicated.

One reason some are unmedicated is simply because there is no diagnosis. For various reasons there has not been an appointment for a mental health professional so one may try to self-treat for what is assumed to be going on. One may start with diet, supplements, environment, managing stress as best as possible and paying attention to triggers. This is also how one might decide to see a doctor; when all of this fails it leads to something else being an issue. Furthermore, everyone is not capable of working through their own mental. Taking the step to make an appointment to get an understanding of what’s happening is taking control of your health.

Some of us are unmedicated out of fear of how we will be seen by those we love. Family and friends within our community are not always supportive of getting treated for mental health challenges. Even if the intention is one of concern, too many find themselves being talked down to, gaslit, and ridiculed. There is a constant use of the word crazy, and in those moments, one may feel the need to defend self or prove a point. Proving the point to your detriment is never wise. There are times when we must decide that one’s own wellbeing and sanity is more important than the words of others. It is important to center those that center you in a positive way. Mental health challenges are tough, and it helps to have supportive positive people with you as you navigate uncharted territory.

Lastly, for some navigating mental health challenges unmedicated is a conscious decision made after much research, thought, and mediation. Navigating without medication tends to mean one lives a very structured life with discipline the setup, and they have a support system that helps them navigate. I personally made that decision as a writer. I weighed what I was faced with against the side effects of the medications suggested for my diagnosis. I was concerned about how the medication would affect my cogitation, I had seen horror stories up close, and I wanted to be in control of myself as much as possible. I never discouraged anyone else from medication, nor did I suggest the path I chose to anyone else. I am so grateful for my village, primarily my parents and grandmother who helped me create the routine and boundaries that keep me functioning to this day. Yes, at times I adjust as life happens, but the foundation of how I navigate has not changed. There had to be an understanding of diagnosis and a commitment to life as organized as possible. I compartmentalize most things. As everything has a place in my home the same can be said for my mental. I have accountability partners, and they are truly a blessing. Environment and boundaries are key for me to function well. So, I tend to remove myself as much as possible from triggering situations, and I am adamant about my boundaries. Understanding when things begin to slip is important and I have learned to be vocal when I need help so that I don’t get to a far-gone space whereby I can not function.

Trust me, this is not as easy as it sounds, but with discipline, consistency, and communication it has been manageable. Navigating mental health unmedicated is not always a choice. However, either way you must weigh the pros and cons for yourself based on you and what challenges you face specifically. There is no right or wrong answer. Just know if one chooses to navigate unmedicated, within reason, it’s hard work but it can be done.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.