Basically, with more members many congregations can offer more services and better meet the needs of the people. It’s time we were honest and fair about churches based on size, and that we don’t let rumors and hearsay determine how we feel. Furthermore, every church is not the same so all of them cannot be responsible for individual bad experiences.

One of the major things that qualifies a mega church for that title is simply the number of members attending. Now, one can say promises of prosperity, lack of true ministering and worship, and a conference like format is all the glitz and glamor that leads people from their “local” smaller churches to the mega church services. One must consider what church is meant to do. If one is ministering the Word and the needs of the people are being met…more people will come. When the pastoral staff is about doing the Lord’s work and they are reaching people across demographics and they are out in the community working…people will come. This is an important thing to speak about because as the people come the building must expand to house the congregation. Some may say this is being too simple, but it’s a fact. If your church, regardless of denomination, is doing the work and the people are being fed spiritually there will be growth. There are so many that are lost and hurting and looking for answers. If they find a place where their whole being is being ministered to and they feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable in that environment, they are coming; they are also more likely to bring their family and anyone else they know that is seeking answers.

Many mega churches are non-denominational. Yes, this is going to be attacked by denominations as a lack of spiritual grounding, and of course the idea that everything is about the “prosperity message”. Though this has been the experience of some…it is not the experience of all. This same money grab issue that is cause for judging non-denominational mega churches can be found in every size church and every denomination. In some cities we can go to neighborhoods where there are churches on every other block, and the denominations are the same. In some cases, there is a fall out in one church over mess, foolishness, doctrine, and money so someone leaves and starts their own church. There must be emphasis placed on the possessiveness some have as though it’s their house and not the house of God.

If one is honest this is an issue in every church, but the impact is often felt more on a smaller scale. So, in the mega church they may need to clean house when situations happen, but they are still able in some cases to meet the financial needs of the ministry. Also, when municipalities fail our cities and communities, and when natural disasters occur many of these large churches can assist their congregations and communities.

No one can say which congregation from small to mega is best because that is a personal preference, however all sizes can be local and serve its community. We must be sure we are not downing a church for its existence without sound reasoning. As stated previously, if people continue to come to a church it will have to expand. There is nothing wrong with deciding to serve in a smaller congregation, just know that all mega churches are not built on scams and manipulation…just like the smaller ones are not just built on strife and division. There could be more unity in the Body of Christ if we didn’t look at different churches as competition.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.

Furthermore, one can argue there is more to facilitating marriage than just the ceremony and signing the documents. Getting ordained as a minister can be a step in the direction of starting a church, building a congregation and having people that look to you for spiritual council and leadership. While this is happening there are conversations being has now about the order of our services, how the Word is being taught, what the church’s responsibilities are withing community…and if the church is still a valid institution. It’s hard to have these conversations when someone can just hop online and decide to be ordained without training. Its understand able that this is liberating to some, but it can be dangerous for the masses as ordination is a serious matter.

Marriage is something  that is being re-defined, but the nature of it for many have not changed. It is still seen as a covenant steeped in commitment,  love, and longsuffering. Many are still marrying and fighting for those marriages daily. Marriage counselors in the faith and within the mental health industry are needed to help navigate the nuances and difficulties of marriage for so many. The church use to be a place people would go when they needed guidance for their marriage when hardships arise, and before the marriage. Usually the pastor that does the marriage counseling might be the pastor presiding over the nuptials. This is not something random…depending on the faiths of the couple they would want their minister to understand the spiritual ramifications of marriage. This is difficult when the person presiding does not have that background. They might be able to offer logical advice but can it be considered sound spiritually. This is not to say it can’t happen…but one can argue more should be involved than just an online piece of paper.

Once could ask what of the Justice of the Peace. Well, that is a judge presiding over the legal aspects of a marriage. There is no counselling, and no expectation of such…there is no spiritual culture involved. Going to the Justice of the Peace is purely legal. The judge is certified and their area to perform the ceremony. The credentials and expectation check out. Whereas this might not be the case if someone is just performing marriages with no knowledge base. The responsibilities of a judge are understood from the beginning.

One can argue we need to have more care given in church for those who are called to ministry. It can be said that too many are in positions they are not called for, and there are two many on the pew that should be ministering to the people. The nepotism and clique behavior in church ministry…the politics of it is something that has to be looked at and addressed honestly. It is something that the congregation is going to have to take a stance about. Not only does it lead to poor leadership, but it can open the door for what we are seeing in the sense that some feel its better to just get an online ordination verse having to be taught or go through any process. When the call to ministry becomes unfair…the call itself can be misused.

Becoming an ordained minister is about more than performing marriages. The responsibilities are deep and necessary within a congregation. There has to be a change within the church as the culture of it is at risk. The faith is riddled with problematic issues that could be addressed if God and the people were the focus. That is also a part of the responsibilities of ministry…do you care for the people of God. Are you ministering to the youth, caring for the elderly, caring for the ill, caring for the widows…being a beacon of light for our community? All of this is more than just a marriage ceremony, but it call comes with the title of ordained minister.

Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James

May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.

If we are honest, we grew up being called fast by women also…and some of us became those women while trying to damn the use of the term by others. It is very off putting to hear the “Jezebel Spirit” narrative misused in church by woman towards women they deem worthy of an attack. The sad part is many of us have a Bible and if we simply took the time to read, we’d understand who Jezebel was, the real threat she posed, and why we are wrong to relate her to sexual promiscuity. Honestly, I’m not sure where it started, but I promise you it means there is willful ignorance, and/or deliberate manipulation of the congregation. What’s for certain is we need to stop harming one another with this false narrative.

We know that when some attend church the word of the Pastor, and other Elders of the church become bible. I am willing to bet this is one of the ways the false narrative of Jezebel was allowed to stay alive. Sistahs, it is important to read our Bible for ourselves and make sure that what we are hearing in service, and what we are reading line up. I could write a whole serious on that issue alone, but back to Jezebel. If one reads their Bible, they will find that Jezebel was well taught, well mannered, and raised to be a Queen. Nothing about her was common, she was beautiful, and highly intelligent. Her sin was not that she was “fast”, it was idolatry, gross spiritual manipulation of her husband, she was willing to see others killed for what she manipulated him to want, and she had no respect for God nor his ministers.

Jezebel was ruthless in many ways, and her cunningness is something that she chooses to use to assist in her evil; if she was of a different spirit, it could have as easily been used for good [look up Queen Ester]. It is important to have conversations about who Jezebel truly was because she was the kind of person that could destroy a community, and she has the intelligence to do so. This is very different from someone who is just “fast” and has no control over their womanly urges per se, or a woman dealing in manipulation through sex. When we call each other Jezebel we are giving an insult greater than we understand. We are attacking the very nature of the woman we are speaking to…we have called her evil to her face and that is damaging.

Many things contribute to sexual promiscuity and in so many cases there is an underlying long-term trauma that has not been dealt with. Too many of us know this because we have either battled the trauma or know someone who has. Being bullied in community and in church because you can’t control your body or are using your body as self-harm unconsciously is adding to the trauma. This is not what sisterhood, community, family, now church is supposed to be about. We can not just address men, while being hypocrites in the harm of women. Let’s stop speaking Jezebel grade evil on each other…too many don’t know what they are saying. However, we know it’s nothing nice. Please remember there are woman that aim to destroy just as Jezebel once did…with we can’t properly identify the characteristics of that spirit we cannot protect ourselves and loved one’s against it. Jezebel was not fast…she was lethal. Let’s stop incorrectly labeling her on sistahs that are already hurting. They need love, not more pain.

Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James

May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.

Come on many of us have seen others called out for faking, have called someone out for it, or was thinking it. Some may put on a show, but I began to feel something deeper is happening in this praise moment. This very well may be how some are choosing to relieve themselves of the burden of their week. Some of us are on various kinds of seeking therapy, and on medication for depression, anxiety, PTSD, and may other mental health situations. Furthermore, sometimes the stress of life can cause a heaviness that feels like the weight of the world is crashing down. There are various kinds of ways to handle heaviness.

If you’ve ever spent time with elders they tell us stories about the challenges they have lives through. Many are heartbreaking, and gut wrenching. It can leave us wondering how they were able to manage their emotional pain, mental anguish, and still keep it together enough to raise a family. Many of them found ways to still work in their community; it could be said the energy poured into their work helped them get through the challenges of life. Well, one thing that was staple in black community was the church. We’ve known elders whereby if they did nothing else they made it to church on Sunday.

Yes, it could be for many reasons besides just getting the word, but there was also praise & worship. During this part of service they’d sing their hearts out, pray openly, praise loudly, dance, run, some were prostrate before the alter.  If we had been paying attention to them the praise moment had been building all week long. They would be walking around the house talking to God, praying, and singing the hymns. Sometimes we’d get insight as they tell us they had to praise God on Sunday…they needed to lay their burdens down.

As I thought about my grandparents and my mother, I realized this praise was their medicine. This time on Sunday was their therapy session, they talk to God, cried out…got it out, and physically through the dancing and even running worked it out. It doesn’t take much to realize this is also an important part of our culture as a people…basically when they got to the music they worked through the heaviness. They didn’t have access to mental healthcare, some barely had access to physical healthcare. If praise is their medicine who are we, or anyone else, to judge them for their choice of medicine.

There is nothing wrong with them relieving their heaviness and it ought not be mocked, for in doing so we also mock culture. Song and dance has always been therapy for our people and that’s not fake…so when we see the posts of those that praise, lets leave them be. They are hurting no one, and they aren’t hurting themselves. Many are working through their issue, and even if it’s not the path you’d choose they are doing what is best for their spirit, and that should be respected.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.

If you believe in heaven and hell, you might be shocked at who you see in heaven. There very well may be brothers and sisters there that did not attend service every Sunday. Many factors could contribute to that from work, to illness, to difficulty getting there. The problem arises when we feel one’s routine validates us before the eyes of the congregation. Hate to break it to you, but when dealing with spirituality that’s not how this works at all. Every action serves a purpose. Church should be more than just something you have to say you did. It should be a path to greater understanding of God’s word. It can be a time where you acknowledge the need for corporate prayer, praise, and worship. It’s a space whereby we can receive exultation, healing balm, and instruction. There should always be a purpose as to why we enter places of worship, in part because it informs our spirit to where we are as we are advocated for in another space.

Unfortunately, church has become mere mundane routine passed of as holiness. It has become, for some, a sharp weapon used to judge the salvation and sanctification of others. Why one should assemble in the congregation, and the power of that assembly is lost in that moment. People know the difference between being asked “did you go to church” as a question of concern, verses rebuke or judgement. It is understood that every “church” is not a place of love and healing. Some of them are toxic whereby the spirit of hurt, harm, abuse, and blatant misinterpretation of sacred scripture for the purpose of control exist. Even knowing this some would rather you call into those places for the sake of saying you went to church. That is dangerous and too many don’t recover from that exposure to evil…as they were completely vulnerable when it happened. I know this is will be an unpopular statement, but going to church every Sunday will not guarantee your place in heaven. Though that is uncomfortable for some, it is the truth.

No one is saying don’t go to church. No one is saying it is not important. What is being addressed is the motive. Why we do what we do, our intention, especially when dealing with spiritual matters is important. Furthermore, it is out life actions and works that will draw others. This seems to be forgotten in too many spaces. Take the time to set your intention when entering the house of worship and let that shine through your spirit. Allow others around you to see your genuine care for their spiritual state as they see you tend to your own state. There is always to be love…an active growing love and care. This is more than routine which can become mindless and lead to ugliness. Care about where that soul ends up to get the help they need. Want better for them even if, for the moment, it’s virtual church service as there really are spiritual deserts out here. Church is more than routine…it should be a gateway to the spiritual needs while standing as an example of how life should be nurtured.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.

During the evening’s discussion, the subject of men (of course) arose. One of the women looked around the room and asked, “Does everyone in here pretty much desire to be married?” Mostly every girl nodded yes (besides me and another girl who said, “Not anytime soon.”). And as the conversation continued, the topics of husbands, and “the man God has for you,” and waiting and being patient were on full blast. As I observed those in the room, I got an overwhelming sense of “I want to be married!” Even as I talked one-on-one with one of the ladies, she also noted how the focus seemed to be on getting a husband, which was not what she expected.

After telling my older (and married) cousin about my experience, she asked me a very good question: “Did you ask these ladies why they desire to be married so much?”

And although it was in my head (and obviously influenced this post), I never thought to simply ask the women why?

Why is it that women desire to be married so much? The entire group was black, and this also made me wonder, is this more of a focus for black women? Or does every woman have such a strong desire to be married?

Take me, for instance; I certainly want to be married one day because, as a Christian, I do believe this is just one aspect of God’s plan and purpose for my life. He designed marriage and I do believe in the long run He created men and women to ultimately enter into a marriage covenant (for multiple reasons). Like any other gal, I want a life-long partner and a beautiful relationship, but it’s not a pressing desire for me. It doesn’t consume my thoughts nor do I focus on it day in and day out.

Now, we should take into consideration that I’m currently in a relationship, and these women, from what they were saying, are not. So, in fairness, I thought, “Well, perhaps I’m not as focused on being married now or getting a husband because I have someone.” Yet, I think about my close friend who is single. She also desires to be married one day, but unlike the women last night, she doesn’t have this sense of urgency or feel like she needs and wants to meet her hubby-to-be right now. Even when I was single, which was FOREVER, this wasn’t my sole focus.

The topic made me think about something my pastor’s wife said one day. She said, “99.9 percent of women want to be married, yet only 50 percent want to be a wife.” That’s real.

I wonder if, in their longings for husbands and wife titles, women really take the time to consider what it means to be married? What it really means to be a wife?

I know God checked me about this very same thing awhile ago. My friend pointed out to me that whenever I’d talk about marriage, I’d usually only talk about my wedding. “It’s going to be this” and “I want to have that” yet I rarely spoke about actual marriage. And the Lord quickly opened my eyes to the true definition of marriage and being a wife—cause it’s not at all about a special day or a title. For so long, I didn’t know what being a wife and entering into a marriage covenant really meant, and I wonder if the same is true for so many women who are searching for husbands right now.

No one wants to be lonely; I get that. Yet, marriage is (and will be) so much more. Do we think about commitment? Do we think about serving our husbands, even when we don’t feel like it? Do we think about making sacrifices and being selfless? Even seemingly small things like visiting relatives on holidays. Perhaps you really enjoy being with your family on Christmas, but in marriage, you may have to spend plenty of Christmases away from your loved ones and be with your husband’s side, especially if they live in different states. Do we consider that? Do we think about permanently sharing our space with someone else? Learning to live and interact with another person EVERY DAY? Mixing different living styles, likes and dislikes, ideas and opinions, backgrounds and upbringings: Do we think about these things?

Even more, what about when the lovey-dovey stage fades away? What about when you can’t stand your spouse? Or things start to feel routine? Or, God forbid, offenses come (and they will come)? Do we think about forgiveness? And moving past hurts and pains?

I think that in a society filled with slim pickings—men who don’t date black women, are on the DL, bisexual, playing games, are immature, and/or don’t have any goals or ambition—we as women can start to feel desperate, even at such young ages (the women in this group were 24-25). We see a lack of quality “good men” and it creates this sense of urgency in us to have something we 1) truly don’t understand enough about and 2) most often times are not even ready for. I mean, if when referring to marriage all I used to focus on was my wedding dress or venue, it’s clear to see I had no idea what marriage truly is and wasn’t ready.

No one will ever be 100 percent ready for marriage because, obviously, there are some things about marriage one can only learn in marriage. To every woman that longs to be married and snag that husband, I think you should take the time to make sure you fully understand what you think you desire. As they say, be careful what you wish for, and you don’t want to wish for a role your mindset, maturity level and character aren’t fully developed for yet.

Staff Writer; Shala Marks

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The religion of Christianity is the religion I practice and have studied for most of my 20s. I was not brought up in “the church” per se; we were the family that only went to church on holidays, and on rare occasions throughout the year; however, my mother always spoke about believing in God and having supernatural abilities that I, at the time, did not understand nor paid any attention to. As I began to go through life’s lessons and what one would probably define as life struggles, I began to develop more of a RELATIONSHIP with God, and began to understand the doctrines that followed. Although I started to become more in tune with my “spirit man” as time went on, I still managed to give in to certain temptations and quite frankly, didn’t want to give up certain behaviors (I still struggle with certain strongholds to this day). I joined an amazing church family, which was founded and led by Pastor Don Roy Moore, Jr. who preached frequently about holiness and living holy. He would always reference Romans 12:2 of the Bible which states that we as believers should, “not conform to the pattern of this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of [our] mind”. This particular scripture is extremely powerful in the context of the knowledge that is given to us about “HOW to live in a fallen world”; a popular question that most followers of Christ have asked and/or wondered how to do, at least once in their lives.

It is written, that we are living in a world which has continuously been programmed and reprogrammed to conduct itself in certain ways that go against the Word of God. In Romans 12:2, God is letting the believers know that there is a particular pattern that has been developed within this world we live in, BUT we must constantly RENEW our MINDS in order to “test and approve what God’s will is” for our lives!!! There’s constant opposition between Kingdom Building and World Seeking that goes on as an internal phenomenon for some of us who seek to build a relationship with God. I am willing to bet that when most of us were saved, we thought it would be an easy road. We were determined to live for God and die for God; to do whatever it took to be in good standing with The Lord.

Although, we may be genuine about our efforts to serve as one of Jesus’s disciples. we all can relate to giving into to the ways of the world through the various traps of the enemy; after all, the world is the devil’s play ground…and so is the mind! So, God does give us an answer to the question, “how do we live a saved life in a fallen world?” as posed by one of my Facebook friends. He simply tells us to “renew our mind”, to “transform our minds”. There is no way that, if we are in the land of the living, that we are able run away from world destruction, perversion, fornication, murder, one world orders, the coming of the anti-Christ, war, violence, temptation, malice, men being lovers of themselves, children disrespecting their elders, the love of money, the influence of idols, music, entertainment, etc. BUT, God does tell us that it is a daily process that includes “renewing our mind”.

I, personally, have explored many different techniques on renewing my mind and strengthening my spirit man, and burning my flesh “we wrestle not against flesh and blood but principalities”. I would be lying if I said I practice these techniques daily, even though God clearly states this should be an every day occurrence (I obviously struggle with being obedient lol). Coincidently, it is in fact, when I neglect to strengthen my mind, that I fall into temptation. Sometimes what I know to do, does not line up with what I want to do, and that is why this walk requires an every day, mind renewing session…Peter the Apostle even tells us this in the New Testament. I’ll share with you some of the techniques that I have found work for when I am in need of renewal.

1. Prayer. I have been praying for as long as I have been saved. I thought for a while that it took eloquent words and dialogue with God in order for my prayers to be received, which at times, have caused me to cease from prayer (because I didn’t know what really to say, or I wasn’t being led by the spirit). But I have found that what works for me is being honest and straight forward with God, not blaming God, but taking responsibility for the things I was or am doing that is not pleasing to Him, and being humble enough to admit that I need His help redirecting those issues or challenges in my life. I know there are some things that I don’t want to give up so I ask that He will transform my mind to His will, but I do ask for protection in the midst of my confusion. I speak to God like I am holding a phone conversation with a friend…really, I do.

It’s very informal but I do follow the guidelines of prayer which is to acknowledge Him in worship, asking for His forgiveness before I ask of anything else, telling Him my struggles and my temptations (although He already knows), I ask Him to keep me and to protect me and my loved ones, and I then give Him praise (Just as like a template exemplified in the Lord’s Prayer). There are those times where I intercede for others, meaning I ONLY pray FOR THEM! not me, or for my blessings, but prayers going up for others! Whoever comes to mind, even if it doesn’t make sense, I’ll pray for. My prayers are definitely from the heart, and I don’t pray religiously or just because I’m supposed to, I pray because it is communion with God; a relationship that I value, not always right in, but the communication strengthens all aspects of the relationship I seek to build with Him. It is within the midst of my prayers that I find peace that surpasses all understanding. My mind is clearer after I pray, and I am able to put things into perspective as it relates to what God has for me, and what the world would like for me to indulge in.

2. Meditation. Meditation is a calming and tranquil technique that I have most recently adopted. When I meditate, I am focusing on balancing my soul, spirit and mind. I may burn sage, known to clear all negative spirits, as I meditate and I allow my mind to become centered with nature and the universe. God made all things, so I focus on becoming in tune with nature. When I pray I usually envision a natural environment like brooks, and streams of water, a blue sky, aligning myself with primal animals, wild animals that are allowed to roam free, such as I do with my thoughts when I am meditating. I find it important to balance my inner spiritual being so that I maintain an overt balance as well. I listen to calming music on Pandora, I sit on the floor as to become closer to the ground/earth, I cross my legs, rest both my hands on the base of my thighs, palms up so that I am able to feel positive energy being transferred into my spirit. This may be a bizarre or awkward technique for some that may not know much about meditation, but if you are aware that we are not only a spirit but a ball of energy that transfers positive and negative charges, you will understand more closely the benefits of meditation. Although meditation is not a common practice within Christianity, yet similar to prayer, I have found it beneficial to expand my thoughts about how to get closer to God, and more in tune with the things God has made, as oppose to getting closer to world systems.

3. Read the Bible. I commit to reading AT LEAST a verse in the Bible every day to receive confirmation, revelation, knowledge, and answers from God. I feel that the Bible is God’s way of speaking back to me. I also use the Bible for studying purposes and may refer to a book or other resources to assist with understanding. Reading the Bible reminds me what I ought to be doing and what I ought not to be doing. it re-MINDS me of God’s divine order, His will for our lives, and our place on earth to take dominion and power over all!

4. Seek Godly Counsel. I am blessed to have many people in my life who have experienced God’s presence in THEIR life, and who uses God’s advice as oppose to their own. I have always found it important to keep like-minded people around to help keep me accountable for some of the things I do or may want to do that are of the world. I can honestly say, I do not ask advice from those who I don’t feel seek Godly counsel even for their lives. This is not to say I don’t have friends who may not necessarily practice the word of God, but I don’t usually speak about my issues with those who aren’t spiritually connected. My friends and I, talk on the phone not about gossip, but the Word of God and that’s why I cherish the very few friends I do have…they keep me grounded.

5. Eating Healthy & Relying on Herbs to Help with Healing. I’m not sure if it has been scientifically proven but since changing my eating habits, my mind has become a lot clearer. I am able to logically configure my feelings and react in a more healthier way than before. While searching for healthy foods to cook for me and my son from day today, I also stumbled across home remedies and foods that help heal the body; foods that naturally go against disease such as cancer, diabetes and high blood pressure. I’ve found that raw sage, garlic, onion, greens, sweet-grass, and even peppermint have some amazing natural sources that cures and heals the body and soul. I tell you, taking care of your internal health will automatically assist with reducing stress and allows for the equilibrium to become more balanced. If your mind is cluttered and your body is also with toxins, how would you be able to renew the mind? where would you have room for renewal? It all goes hand-in-hand.

So, I shared with you my top 5 techniques that I have found helpful in renewing the mind, which is God’s answer to how we can maintain holiness in a far from holy world. Again, I want to note that I have not mastered it all as it relates to resisting some temptations; we are ALL works in progress BUT progress, I believe, is what God is looking for above perfection. Renewing the mind is essential to being able to maintain a spiritual connection in a fallen world.

I want to personally thank Danita Webb, who inspired this article. Ms. Webb has overcome many obstacles that perhaps “the world” would have deemed a curse, but her testimony has become a blessing to many, including her growing family. I am sure the renewing of her mind allowed her to overcome many of the traps the enemy attempted to set for her. Thank you Danita for your support, your courage and your commitment in showing us how to live as a virtuous woman in a seemingly fallen world!

Staff Writer; Kara Warner

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It was a simple statement that I believe was meant as a compliment, I’m sure she sent that email and thought nothing more of it….It stayed with me. Still young because I believe in people…I wondered at what age does that “belief” go away? Is my “belief” routed in faith, or is it misguided naiveté’?

You see my heart is broken. It is in shreds. This innocent statement came at a very crucial moment. A moment where I was on the precipice of trying to hold out faith in a man, but knowing that faith was misguided. This simple statement came at a time when I was doing everything I could to suppress feelings of anger. Discontentment. Discouragement. Frustration. After giving a “man” a second chance at friendship he betrayed my trust again. He took my offer and spat on me. God said 7 X 70, people interpret that as unlimited forgiveness because who would you have to forgive 490 times…I think I was hitting that with him. After seeing me go back thru the same thing I had gone thru eight months prior my friend thought it was time for some hard reality.

Friend – “What’s the problem? You offered him your friendship; he doesn’t want it…his bad. He’s an idiot that you don’t like anyway. I don’t understand what the problem is. You said yourself; he isn’t what you thought he was. You said yourself you didn’t like his personality. You already know his communication style is zero. You already know he is a liar and a cheat and a runner…what is the problem, because YOU know he did you a huge favor. He is trash. Say it! T.R.A.S.H.!!!

Me – “I don’t like to refer to people at “trash”.

Friend – “But you know that’s what he is. What is really bothering you?”

Me – “I’m upset. I don’t like to be upset. I’ve prayed and I just can’t get the anger out of my heart.”

Friend – “That’s okay…you have a right to be upset. That’s a normal feeling when someone wrongs you.”

Me – “It’s not normal. Not for me it isn’t. When you give kindness you get kindness…that’s how it works!”

Long silence…..

Friend – “Where? Where does it work like that? The world I live in, for most, its kill or be killed. It’s do unto others as they have done unto you.”

Me – “Well, my world isn’t like that. I give kindness, I get kindness back. This dude though…I’ve never met anyone so evil. I just can’t believe I gave him another chance, and he did the EXACT same thing again.”

Friend – “So you’re upset that a dog is a dog? Just be real.”

Long silence….

Me – “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH (this is a literal scream) I’M PISSED!!! I DON’T EVEN LIKE THIS DUDE! I’M PISSED BECAUSE I KNEW HE WASN’T ABOUT ANYTHING, AND I HELD MY TOUNGUE BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT TO BELIEVE IT. I WANTED TO SHOW EVERYONE THAT THEY WERE WRONG ABOUT HIM, AND THAT THERE IS GOOD IN EVERYONE! I DIDN’T WANT TO LOSE MY FAITH IN PEOPLE, AND I CERTAINLY DIDN’T WANT TO BELIEVE THAT HE WAS DOING THIS ON PURPOSE. EVEN AFTER I TOLD HIM I WAS IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE HE JUST KEPT SAYING I WANTED HIM…HE IS SO ARROGANT!”

Friend – “Okay…get it all out!”

Me – “I AM MMAAAADDDD! I WANT HIM TO CHOKE ON HIS OWN VOMIT! HE SHOULDN’T BE ALLOWED TO BREATHE THE SAME AIR I DO, AND THE FACT THAT HE CAN BOTHERS ME!!!!”

At this point I’m literally screaming, and shedding tears not out of sadness, but anger.

Friend – “I’m your friend. I love you. I know how good your heart is. I don’t want to see your spirit or your personality change, but I don’t ever want to see you hurt like this again so know what I’m saying is being said out of love. You are not mad at him. You are mad at yourself. You knew he wasn’t about anything, and you knew he was going to do exactly what he did, so it wasn’t even a surprise this time. He is trash, and if his mom raised him like that she’s trash too. You are mad because of your reaction. You’re mad because for the first time you are having a “human” reaction to someone.”

Me – “What does that mean “human reaction”?”

Friend – “You are always so “Desmond Tutu-y” about everything, it is actually refreshing to see you scream. To see you angry. You suppress those feelings all the time, and that isn’t good. You have a right to be angry; dude lied to you from day one! He played with you, and you’re right…he did it on purpose. I bet if you look at his facebook page it’s filled with all kinds of things like: “I’m a good man. I want a happy ending. I deserve a good woman”. Look at it, I’d put money on that. He’s not even attractive! It’s okay to be angry. Be angry and deal with that anger then you can move on, because you don’t want this to mess up your relationship with the man you really do care about it.”

Me – “It’s not okay to be angry. I am a Christian; I am supposed to show love and forgiveness at every turn! If I don’t have my faith then I am nothing! I feel so stupid.”

Friend – “I promise you God knows you are HUMAN, it is okay! Don’t feel stupid, there isn’t a woman in this world who hasn’t felt dumb behind a man before, your time is just coming a little later than most. You have just been really lucky! You are trying to apply Christian methodology to a man who has no idea who God is. He will swear up and down he is a Christian, but has no relationship with God. Didn’t he tell you no one was going to understand your lifestyle of following God’s word, and in the same breathe holler he was a Christian? Girl, get on your knees and thank God right now for removing that evil spirit out of your life! Trust me, we have all been praying for that!”

Me – “I’m not upset with him. You’re right; I don’t give two shakes about him. I’m upset with myself. As arrogant as I say he was, I was twice that. I wanted to prove that kindness, faith, and love would always win the day. I wanted to prove that people, women in particular, were paranoid…no one is deliberately out to hurt anyone. I wanted to prove that I could have a friendship with this man that clearly wasn’t worth my time. And when he did it again, like everyone said he would, I was hurt. I was embarrassed. I wasted the better part of a year believing in someone that wasn’t worth it, and all I have to show for it is a busted fantasy.”

So, going back to my original thought…at what age does someone lose their faith in people? There’s obviously not a set time, because I know women in their early twenties all the way to women in their sixties that know to ditch and run at the first sign of trouble, but for me I can tell you the exact date and time I lost my faith Thursday June 16th at 3 p.m., and I consider it a blessing. Losing faith in people really doesn’t have to be a negative, in my case it was a definite positive. God is the only one that is Devine, people will let you down. I just learned what most people apparently learn at an early age, everyone isn’t worthy or deserving of a second chance. Everyone isn’t even deserving of love, any degree of love, and when God tries to remove someone….LET THEM GO! It is always a blessing. So, to this lady that sent that random thought, I thank you. I’d heard that from friends many many times, but for some reason hearing it from a virtual stranger really made it click. I am loving my life again too. I will always show forgiveness, and give people the benefit of the doubt, but in the future I will be sure that person is worth it!

Staff Writer; Yolanda Kirby

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I remember being in church and listening to a Pastor explain that you can’t pull a scripture out of the Bible and pay no attention to the verses above and beneath. The best example of this is still hearing people profess the bible says, “Vengeance is Mine”. Yes, it does say this, however that statement on its own can lead someone to believe they have the bible sanctioned right to carry our vengeance upon their behalf. However, if the person would have continued to read, they would fine that what is stated is “Vengeance is Mine, thus saith the Lord”. That is very important because the context changes in that moment. Clearly vengeance belongs to God is the point. There are too many that deem themselves so “taught of the Lord” that there is blatant misinterpretation of scripture for the purpose of getting someone(s) to do and live as those teaching feel they should. This completely unnecessary. God’s Word doesn’t need assistance. People deserve better.

When will church folk realize the scare tactics don’t work, and they corrode trust? I’ve personally had my salvation questioned on so many occasions in an effort to get me to “behave” in a manner someone else felt was Godly, or holy. Who died and made them God?! Look, so many people have access to a bible, can read, and have access to the internet. I’m in no way downplaying hearing from God or being moved in one’s spirit. However, not even God takes choices away from people. Using scare tactics violates the “with love and kindness have I drawn thee” position. Furthermore, the scare tactics distract from the message of God’s redemptive love, His grace, and His mercy. No person spiritually scaring others is without fault. That foolishness must stop, because in many cases it equates to lying whether that is the intent or not. Telling a Child of God they are not saved because they cuss, drink, backslid even, or have lost their way due to trauma is biblically a lie. More importantly it is hurtful, and that can be devastating to someone that is already in a battle for their existence.

Men and woman of God being loud and shutting others up will never equate to being right spiritually. How can you help someone if you are too prideful to actually listen to them? They don’t need you to tell them their life, they don’t need you to compare them to someone whom you feel as gone through more. They need you to act like a representation of the God you claim to serve. Church folks are good for cutting one off and telling you what they think you need to hear…and then what they think you need to do. If not careful this can quickly become condemnation because how dare this person who isn’t clergy tell you anything. How dare this person who has studied for themselves, but didn’t go to seminary, tell you anything. FYI, you are not God! If you can’t reach a person in love, even the correction can be in love, them be quiet please…and get yourself together spiritually.

Lastly, the judgement and hypocrisy must stop. While someone is trying to get their spiritual direction set because they are in a fight for their life and family…someone at church is judging them. Unfortunately, the one doing the judging is usually the biggest hypocrite because their house is also out of order. Thing is, no one knows about their situation, so it makes them feel a bit higher to descend on someone else. Shame on them! There should be no place in spiritual spaces, and sanctuaries for this kind of evil.

So many are in need of spiritual encouragement, direction, salvation, and restoration. They should be able to come to those claiming to have spiritual understanding, of God’s love and Word and find shelter. The church is having a hard time getting people to listen because they are tired of the beat downs of life, and they will not and can not withstand another. Men and woman of God last time we all checked…You are not God. We all fall short of the glory; that isn’t an excuse…it’s the truth. We should all give the grace and mercy our own life demands.

Staff Writer; Adonicka Michele

This is the “walk in love” we hear so much about, but so many of us rarely experience such a thing. A person could be drowning in sorrow, on the brink of losing their will to live, and lose that battle because they cried out and cussed while doing so. They will be cut off in their display of and the point that they cussed will become more important than the truth that they were literally battling to stay alive. This taking a small aspect of someone’s person and deeming them unworthy of salvation, the love of Christ…and a blessed life is an indictment against the heart of the accuser. Their heart is so corrupted they might as well cuss.

Growing up a nerdy child I understood that I was a bit different from those I was around. I valued knowledge, and I wanted to understand The Word when I went to church. As I became an adult, I valued the understanding and the move of the Spirit. I wanted to be taught…nit just have emotional highs on Sunday they wouldn’t do anything for me when it came to how I needed to order life. Paul has always been my favorite Apostle as he was the coming together of scholarship, and a move of the Spirit. I felt validated every time I read books penned by him. Yet, I am a woman so in some denominations it wasn’t deemed lady like for a woman to trade intelligence with a man. The older men would tend to shout over you as if raising their voices made them right. They would tell you you’re wrong; they wouldn’t know either way since no word you’ve spoken has been heard. Oh, but they latched on to the fact that every now and then you cuss.

Cussing all of a sudden, became the one unforgivable sin I had committed that separated me from the salvation, sanctification, and love of God. This “flaw” in my character was more important than my heart. It was more important than the love, care, compassion, and devotion for which I live life. This might sound hilarious, but it happens too often to those that dare to “study to show themselves approved”. The issue is we are more worried about cussing then abuse of power. We are more concerned about the past of others, than our heart towards them when we “lead them the Christ”.

There is so much judgement, and those judging have issues that they need to address themselves. If many of us took the time to assess self, we’d find there isn’t much time for throwing others under the bus because are “standing in the need of prayer”. If you are going to treat others poorly, silence the voice God gave them, and stand in judgement of a life you don’t know you might as well cuss. I say this because in that space you are no better than those you judge. As a matter of fact, you might find yourself in a worse condition spiritually, and where matters of one’s heart is concerned. Granted, I work not to cuss as much, but I’d rather have a potty mouth, than a judgmental heart towards others. It is important that we learn how to love one another in the spirit of what love should truly be about.

Staff Writer; Adonicka Michele