But sis, let me say this gently and with love: perimenopause is real, but it is not everything.

Somewhere along the way, it became the go‑to explanation for every ache, every mood shift, every moment of fatigue, every strange sensation we can’t immediately identify. And listen — perimenopause can absolutely cause a wide range of symptoms. Hot flashes, sleep changes, mood swings, irregular cycles, brain fog, joint pain, weight fluctuations — the list is long. But it’s not the root of every single thing our bodies experience. When we start blaming perimenopause for everything, we risk missing the bigger picture. And our health, our longevity, our quality of life are far too important for that.

Part of why this happens is because Black women have had to become our own health detectives. We’ve been dismissed, misdiagnosed, or ignored in medical settings for generations. We’ve learned to self‑diagnose out of survival. We’ve learned to piece together our own answers because the system hasn’t always given us the care, respect, or attention we deserve. So when we finally find a label that seems to fit, it’s tempting to hold onto it tightly. It feels validating. It feels like we finally have language for what we’re going through. It feels like control in a world that often tries to take that from us.

But perimenopause shouldn’t become the default explanation for every shift in our bodies. Not because it isn’t real — it absolutely is — but because our bodies are complex, layered, and constantly communicating with us. If we chalk everything up to hormones, we might overlook signs of something more serious. High blood pressure. Thyroid issues. Autoimmune conditions. Nutrient deficiencies. Chronic stress. Depression. Heart disease. Diabetes. These are real concerns in our community, and they deserve attention, not dismissal.

And let’s be real with each other: sometimes the issue isn’t medical at all. Sometimes it’s lifestyle. Sometimes it’s boundaries we haven’t set. Sometimes it’s rest we haven’t taken. Sometimes it’s emotional weight we’ve been carrying for years. Sometimes it’s habits we know aren’t serving us. Perimenopause didn’t cause all of that — life did. And acknowledging that isn’t shameful. It’s empowering. It means we still have agency. It means we still have choices. It means we can still take accountability for our well‑being without beating ourselves up.

What we don’t want is to use perimenopause as a shield that keeps us from taking responsibility for our health. Not in a harsh, judgmental way — but in a loving, grown‑woman, “I deserve better” way. Because we do deserve better. We deserve to know what’s happening in our bodies. We deserve to ask questions. We deserve to get checked out when something feels off. We deserve to advocate for ourselves without minimizing our symptoms or oversimplifying them.

And we deserve to honor the truth: perimenopause is a chapter, not the whole book.

This season can be confusing, yes. It can be uncomfortable, yes. But it can also be a wake‑up call — a moment to tune in, slow down, and reconnect with ourselves. It can be a reminder that our bodies are evolving, not breaking. That we are entering a new phase of wisdom, power, and self‑awareness. That we are allowed to change. That we are allowed to grow. That we are allowed to take up space in our own health journey.

So, sis, here’s the gentle reminder: listen to your body with curiosity, not assumptions. Don’t ignore symptoms, but don’t rush to label everything as perimenopause either. If something feels persistent, new, or concerning, talk to a qualified healthcare professional who will take you seriously. You deserve that level of care. You deserve answers rooted in truth, not guesswork. You deserve to feel safe in your own body.

And while you’re navigating this season, give yourself grace. Give yourself softness. Give yourself room to grow into this next version of you. Perimenopause is not the end of anything — it’s the beginning of a deeper relationship with your body, your health, and your power.

You are not falling apart. You are transforming. You are stepping into a wiser, more grounded version of yourself. And you’re doing it with the strength, beauty, and brilliance that Black women have always carried. You’ve got this, sis — and you’re not walking through it alone.

Today we live in a society that pushes the validation of one’s feelings about fact and truth. In this space perception is reality, and that’s all that matters. I doesn’t matter of a person really hurts you, that matters is you feel hurt so they need to acknowledge such. The problem with this is it can in turn injury the other party. Yes, if you actually commit hurt you need not tell your significant other you didn’t. However, if you didn’t offend them, and can even prove such, it is very important that you respectful stand in truth. No one should walk around accepting ridicule when they’ve done nothing wrong.

The opposite position states my feelings are indeed my reality, so my partner should respect my truth, and apologize. Your truth is personal to you, and it doesn’t have to line up to any accuracy because it belongs to you. That doesn’t mean that, outside of you, it will stand. It’s very important to have an open line of communication, especially where misunderstanding is concerned, so one truly knows when they are being hurt.

If your partner doesn’t do thing exactly the way you want it, and you use “hurt” to get them to do as you please…you might be giving the hurt you claim you’ve received. Furthermore, this concept is dangerous in the hands of a narcissist. A narcissist will manipulate you into believing you hurt them, and you can’t tell them you did not, when I’m fact they are hurting you. They are the masters of twisting a situation by with they are inflicting harm to they are the victim. In that sense you would need to take a stand, and confront the fact that you are not hurting them regardless of their persuasion otherwise.

No one deserves to be hurt, and disregarded, in a relationship. Yet, no one deserves to be falsely accused and forced to apologize because the feelings of one person is more important that what’s actually taking place in a situation. Furthermore, no one should feel communicating respectfully, but truthfully, for fear of being told they are hurtful. In this space any relationship is in danger. If you committed hurt by all means humble yourself and try to make it right. However, if you didn’t please don’t sit back and become a scapegoat for someone’s feelings. Just as they would deserve better so do you.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.

The problem lies with those that would dare use anxiety as a method to harm others. It is despicable to use a real illness as a way to inflict verbal, and even physical damage on others. its’s not a tool for manipulation so that you may always have your way, and woe is it unto those that stand up to tell you that the behavior is wrong. Sisters that use anxiety for these purposes make it hard for those that are actually battling with the illness. Every anxiety attack doesn’t cause you to throw objects at someone, and every trigger is not someone not doing what you want them to do the way you want it done. This behavior is abusive, and in some cases narcissistic.

Some people that have loved ones with anxiety disorder research the illness and go to appointments with them, so they can better understand how to be supportive. If they are taking the time to learn…they may be able to discern real from fake. It is unfortunate when someone with deep anxiety calls out someone for not being genuine in their claim. Don’t use a known illness to deceive and harm others.

Lastly, there are those of us (myself included), that truly suffer from anxiety disorder that have to try to care about our support system. It may be hard, but you know you lashed out during an anxiety attack and hurt someone that love you and was just trying to help…apologize. Its’s not their fault you are battling with anxiety disorder just like it’s not your fault. However, they love you regardless of the disorder. Just because they understand doesn’t mean being the ill placed object of your anger won’t hurt. They may take the abuse because they know you are hurting, and battling with a disorder, but it’s okay to care about their feelings. It is a known fact that the people closest to you will often bare the brunt of your frustration with said disorder. Spouses, children, friends and family usually end up taking the heat. The don’t do so because you are a burden…they are with you because they love you. Don’t forget to love them back.

I had to learn how hurtful my words could be during an anxiety attack depending on the trigger. I realized my best friend who, as an only child, was the only sister I ever had was sinking into depression in part because I berated her so often when dealing with my anxiety. I was pushing away the one person I knew loved me that I could truth. Though I acknowledge my anxiety disorder she didn’t deserve to be treated that way. I had to realize its not all about me, and that I’m not the only person in life going thorough pain. I’ve learned how to better manage my condition, and I take the time to appreciate my sister. I actively love on her, and uplift her…regardless of how I’m feeling. I will never forget that as she was experiencing loss…I wasn’t there for her because all I could see was my anxiety. She never left me alone, and I won’t allow her to alone ever again as long as I’m here.

One way to manage anxiety is trying to get out of your own head. Putting your focus on the people around you, and the positive energy they are pouring into you may actually help you deal with the disorder.

Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James

May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.

We all know that the dignity of a man is an intricate part of who he is, and if we truly understand our man we must know how far we can go with our council. Sometimes, depending on what he is facing, we must allow him to process his situation on his own terms. Let’s be honest as women we are not always the best at this. We often want our spouse to feel better immediately, or we want him to talk about it as soon as possible because that’s what we would do. There are times it’s not even about him, but it makes us feel bad to see him going through hardship, and we want to be relieved of that feeling so we push.

Wanting to see our King happy is positive, but we can’t expect him to behave as we would. Changing a man should never be the goal; we should love him for the man he is…and can be. Sometimes the best support we can give will come through the avenue of prayer and/or meditation. There are times we must direct out strong positive energy towards our husband to help assist his issue resolve and peace. Even though he may be quiet he is very aware of your presence.

Mothers try to fix everything; wives support through everything. If your husband doesn’t talk as much as you would like this is the wrong time to press and cause a fight. When things such as: loss, betrayal, self-doubt, and spiritual conflict occur we cannot fix it. We want our man to know we love, support and lift him up. Let him come to you when he is ready to talk. Don’t make it about you as though he’s mad at you or shutting you out…especially when he tells you he is conflicted and just need some time to get his head together. In this area lets avoid being selfish realizing our men have feelings that need to be respected. This is in no way saying abandon your man when he needs you most.

This is a reminder that we are powerful, but there are limits to our reach even as wives. There are times when time, and meditation must be allowed to work out a matter. In these times we must trust the heart of our spouse, and his strength as a man. You never want to send the message that you don’t believe in his ability to stand through adversity…this is counterproductive to peace. The fact that we cannot fix everything is quite okay.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.

Many of us have heard the scripture “Faith without works is dead.” However we must be honest…it gets an amen in church, and we can definitely quote it to others; practicing thus principle in our own life is indeed another matter. We cannot dismiss this problem as: advice is easier to give than to live. There are requirements necessary to see a movement in our life as a result of prayer. One of the most important things to know about prayer is it is not very useful on its own. Prayer requires corresponding action. If you find yourself praying about health, but aren’t willing to make the necessary adjustments you won’t see results. It’s very easy to say maybe God didn’t hear me, God will answer me in his time, or God may be punishing me. The issue may very well lie in the lack of “works”.

There is a lot going on in our society and country. We can no longer tell people the problem is we need to return to prayer without also moving them to action. Yes, praying about the issues plaguing our children is important; it is equally import to train our children and mentor kids. If we are not willing to work our prayers are lacking. So many of us discredit our beliefs by not following them. Some that question Christianity focus in on amount of time in prayer, and yet nothing seems to change. Church elders are screaming pray, pray pray, but they are not forcing the issue on “works’’ at the same rate. Yes, it is a fact…prayer was taken OUT of the schools hence the moment of silence. But, schools have religious organizations where prayer, and how one lives should be in balance. We can’t expect the young people to do this if those leading do not.

Truth be told faith, by Christian standards, is necessary to receive from God. So faith is necessary for effective prayer. Too many of us do not believe in what we claim. It’s cool to talk about it, but when adversity comes…what faith. Too many of us act and speak from a position of fear. This means that many of us go to our knees in prayer full of fear which cancels faith. If Christianity is what we believe then we have to study the Word, and additional texts, for ourselves. Some of us look at our grandparents and elders wonder why their prayers seem to get response. So many of them lived like what they petitioned of God is so. Many of them knew Mark 11:23 and it is how they live. They just seemed so fortified, and unmoved…they believed what they were claiming.

Prayer is a powerful tool. However, it requires action… “works” to have the necessary effect. Every situation is different, but principle is an equalizer. We must do more than pray. We must live a life of character and integrity. We must act upon what we claim to believe. We must study for ourselves to understand this thing we know as prayer. Pray, then get and work toward the thing you are praying for. If we just stay on our knees and do nothing…nothing will happen. This isn’t because God can’t hear us…it’s because “Faith without works is dead” literally.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.

Queendom is more than being just a strong black woman. That title is not simply for women with degrees, wealthy bank account, nor wives. It is not for the indecisive, nor for those that refuse to move past the roadblocks in their life. We must understand to be a Queen requires a sister to be above the may lay, and she must be willing to stand above reproach. To make the best decisions in the situations she finds herself faced with, and she must be willing to sacrifice for what she believes in.

So many of our sisters are running with the logic respect me because I’m a Black Queen, and they are literally admonishing and demanding black men honor their Queendom. I love the self-esteem, and the positive affirmation over one’s life, but you must do more than that. Sisters you must first believe in your own Queendom, and in doing so it will require to set some order to your realm. “Every Queen isn’t the same”. That is true when it comes to preference and individuality…not principle. If your realm is not to fall to confusion and disarray there must be order, standards and boundaries. Sound decisions will not come from a mental space riddled in confusions and contradictions. Believe me there are men that need to evaluate the usage of King for these same principle reasons when it comes to leadership, but that’s for a men’s meeting. If you don’t respect your own Queendom, you can’t get angry with black men for not respecting, or acknowledging, what they can’t see…or what they view as a walking contradiction.

Queens are treated with the utmost respect regardless of their individualities. Things are done for them not because they aren’t strong enough to do for themselves, but simply because it is an honor to serve them. We need to understand this when we allow white women to use our energy and essence for their feminist fight. I have seen sisters stand in a crowded room and when a brother takes notice, and offers her his seat she accuses him of objectifying her. I’ve seen men hold open the door only to be told “I can do that for myself”. Well, sisters are you Queen or commoner? That is one you truly need to mediate on. Men will want to serve you, and treat you according to your mantle if you insist on being a Queen…that does not make you less of a woman. Make up your mind. Know that just as the nature of black and white women are different…so shall our embodiments be of constitutes the very nature of a Queen.

Whether you are a Queen choosing to stand alone…or one awaiting a King you must implement standards. It’s quite easy to have standards for the man, but it would be wise if you start with self. How you carry yourself, handle your business, the amount of integrity you have, how much truth you live in, your standard of loyalty, and implementation of order will scream who and what you are before the man ever arrives. Yes, some women will hate, but there will be some that desire to understand your nature as a Queen when the above-mentioned flow in a positive energy. None of us are perfect, but Queens aren’t such because they call it. This is the very nature of their being, and they must earn that aura.

Queens are the epitome of grace, mystic, manner, control, accountability, and continued growth. Her path isn’t perfect but she grows from mistakes, and she masters challenges. Queendom doesn’t mean she deals with foolishness from others; it’s quite the opposite as Queens are not to be trifled with. She is not insecure in the strength of her womanhood, so a man catering to her very existence doesn’t make her feel objectified nor belittled. She is graceful in recognizing when she is being honored. When Queens are walking even the brothers that aren’t Kings take notice, and they are strengthened by her presence though they aren’t worthy of her. Sisters you must decide because you can’t be ratchet, drama filled, indecisive, void of accountability, and addicted to insecurity while screaming respect my Queendom.

Everything comes with a price, and to be Queen is to face your past, pain, hurt, and challenges head on. It is to evolve from that previous place, and you must be in control of, and accountable to, yourself. Queens exude order…they don’t repel such. If you claim to be a Queen don’t just say it…please walk in it. Our people are in dire need of the Queens. We need the healing and magic only they can wield. Furthermore, the over saturation of the use of the title without its energy threatens to diminish the respect it invokes. If you can’t handle the weight of the crown there is no shame in such. All a Queen will ask is that you purpose to earn it, or please put it down.

Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James

May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.

Feelings without reason nor understanding can lead to hypocrisy, failed relationships of all sorts, and a false sense of what is and is not right. Personal experience is steeped in feelings, and if not careful how you feel based on your experience can cause the wrongful judgment of others. How many times have we stated “that’s just how I feel” when trying to argue a position? Think about it. Some of us have cursed all men or women to hell because of how we feel. Some have been abused and exposed to toxic behavior because of the way we feel. Sometimes we aren’t able to absorb information that would allow us to make an informed decision, or position, because feelings get in the way. If one isn’t careful feelings will become the lie that one uses to justify why they have behaved in an unfavorable manner. So, you felt disrespected in a space by which you were uninformed and initially disrespectful; when the truth was told it didn’t defend you so it had to be wrong. No, in that moment you were wrong…regardless of your feelings.

How you feel is not a pass to mistreat others. Please take a moment to stop, and re-read that statement. Having a bad day, not feeling well, dealing with past hurt, annoyed with the direction of your life, upset with another, upset with God…regardless of what is wrong, none of these things gives one the right to mistreat another. Emotional intelligence is a very important skill to work on in one’s own personal life, not just at work. There is nothing wrong with getting help to manage feelings and emotions so that you are a more balanced person. The people in your life that love you will appreciate you for taking the time to heal so that you are better for yourself and others.

Feelings can also enforce anti-intellectual positions in various spaces such as places of worship and activism. Age doesn’t always make you right…regardless of your feeling on the matter. Years and feelings are not replacements for objective diverse study of a matter. If you want to argue with someone about religious beliefs you can’t just go on how you feel. You’d need to be able to logically, and rationally back up your position. You can’t expect someone to concede to your position regarding politics or race relations simply because you were alive, and an age of understanding, when Dr. King was alive. You must the time to study, research, and be humble and open enough to hear from others that are doing the work and can add to the discussion. We are never to old to learn more. Titles don’t mean we know it all…even though we might feel like as though we do.

I remember my dad instructing: “get out of your feelings and look at the situation truthfully even if you don’t like it…your dislike doesn’t change the truth”. This is wisdom that I share often. You have a right to your feelings, but your feelings don’t change the truth. Your hurt, anger, embarrassment, fear, or concern doesn’t change the matter. It is important to sees matters and people aside from your feelings. Hear what is said on a matter without hearing it through the filter of your feelings. Read about what is happening in the world around you from an objective perspective. This doesn’t erase your feelings, but it does give you a better chance of being fair with yourself, and others.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.

If you believe in heaven and hell, you might be shocked at who you see in heaven. There very well may be brothers and sisters there that did not attend service every Sunday. Many factors could contribute to that from work, to illness, to difficulty getting there. The problem arises when we feel one’s routine validates us before the eyes of the congregation. Hate to break it to you, but when dealing with spirituality that’s not how this works at all. Every action serves a purpose. Church should be more than just something you have to say you did. It should be a path to greater understanding of God’s word. It can be a time where you acknowledge the need for corporate prayer, praise, and worship. It’s a space whereby we can receive exultation, healing balm, and instruction. There should always be a purpose as to why we enter places of worship, in part because it informs our spirit to where we are as we are advocated for in another space.

Unfortunately, church has become mere mundane routine passed of as holiness. It has become, for some, a sharp weapon used to judge the salvation and sanctification of others. Why one should assemble in the congregation, and the power of that assembly is lost in that moment. People know the difference between being asked “did you go to church” as a question of concern, verses rebuke or judgement. It is understood that every “church” is not a place of love and healing. Some of them are toxic whereby the spirit of hurt, harm, abuse, and blatant misinterpretation of sacred scripture for the purpose of control exist. Even knowing this some would rather you call into those places for the sake of saying you went to church. That is dangerous and too many don’t recover from that exposure to evil…as they were completely vulnerable when it happened. I know this is will be an unpopular statement, but going to church every Sunday will not guarantee your place in heaven. Though that is uncomfortable for some, it is the truth.

No one is saying don’t go to church. No one is saying it is not important. What is being addressed is the motive. Why we do what we do, our intention, especially when dealing with spiritual matters is important. Furthermore, it is out life actions and works that will draw others. This seems to be forgotten in too many spaces. Take the time to set your intention when entering the house of worship and let that shine through your spirit. Allow others around you to see your genuine care for their spiritual state as they see you tend to your own state. There is always to be love…an active growing love and care. This is more than routine which can become mindless and lead to ugliness. Care about where that soul ends up to get the help they need. Want better for them even if, for the moment, it’s virtual church service as there really are spiritual deserts out here. Church is more than routine…it should be a gateway to the spiritual needs while standing as an example of how life should be nurtured.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.