(ThySistas.com) Several years ago the findings of a study conducted by Rutgers University’s National Marriage Project revealed some interesting data regarding the attitudes of men on marriage and relationship.
Men of different ethnicities, political stripes and socio-economic strains were asked pointed questions about their true feelings on the institution of marriage. Among other things, the study concluded that most men are comfortable with their current situation – just living with a woman – and they see no reason to even bother with marriage.
However, from the findings, there are several keys to understanding the male psyche as it relates to how men process love and relationship.
Men Face Fewer Social Pressures to Marry
Just over half of black men between 25 and 34 are married but the forty plus percent that are unmarried leave the impression that many are holding out. There are a number of reasons why this is so, including financial and economic ones.
One huge factor is that men are under no social pressure to marry as much as previous generations.
Family, friends and the institution of the church are less inclined to push unmarried men toward the marriage market.
No full-court pressure (to use a basketball term)! Don’t mimic social institutions and pressure your guy to make a move, and do not allow your family or friends to do it, either. The truth is you won’t get the best from a man who feels he’s been pressured to make such a giant leap as marriage. Give him time and space to arrive at the destination on his own terms. He’ll make a much better husband!
Men Fear Change More than Commitment
Many women lament the ‘commitment-phobic’ male, the man who’d rather live together than get married (half of all first marriages are preceded by living together). Yes, the “C” word is real, but the key is to understand it has nothing to do with you as a woman. Men resist change to a greater degree than women, and often that is mistaken as a fear of commitment.
Men are not necessarily afraid of commitment as much as they are wired to handle change differently than the opposite sex.
Commitment requires change, change requires commitment. Let a man adjust to change at his own pace. Find a way to present marriage and relationship less stringently, and be prepared to compromise.
Men Frame Strength Differently than Women
I hear it all of the time: Men just can’t handle a strong woman! What’s forgotten here though is this profound truth: Men are not naturally attracted to alpha women; it represents a threat to his world order. It doesn’t mean a man prefers a weak woman; it only signifies that a man’s innate strength qualities may be compromised. A man may even see such strength as weakness. The way we see struggle and strength as men and women differ according to how we have successfully navigated such experiences.
Do not confuse ‘strength’ with the inability or unwillingness to compromise. Allow a man to experience and interpret struggle in his own way. No two people go through and emerge from struggle the same.
Understanding the male approach to love and relationship is crucial to success.
Staff Writer; W. Eric Croomes
This talented brother is a holistic lifestyle exercise expert and founder and executive coach of Infinite Strategies LLC, a multi-level coaching firm that develops and executes strategies for fitness training, youth achievement and lifestyle management. Eric is an author, fitness professional, holistic life coach and motivational speaker.
In October 2015, Eric released Life’s A Gym: Seven Fitness Principles to Get the Best of Both, which shows readers how to use exercise to attract a feeling of wellness, success and freedom (Infinite Strategies Coaching LLC, 2015) – http://www.infinitestrategiescoaching.com.